Totally Geek to Totally Sheek

Doubting There is Anything Better than Downton

2012-01-07T11:16:00.000-08:00

Oh Downton. Why? Why do I love you so much it hurts to think about the months in between when I don't see you? Why does my heart go pitter patter with anxiety, hope, despair and longing every time you light up my television from an unidentified source. I feel as though we are forever connected by the sheer strength of my suffocating obsessive grip on you, you grandiose and altogether perfect combination of skilled storytelling/acting/costumes/cinematography etc. I know, I know. Using the phrase, "perfect combination" sounds, in way, a bit of an insult to what you really are, no? I must confess I would skip my wedding for you. I would tell my groom I have an errand to run and sneak into a bathroom stall with my ancient 06 laptop, the accompanying coolant fan, and some wi-fi to locate a download of you just to re-watch some key scenes. If, dear readers, you haven't experienced Downton yet, well, all I can say is, "when did you know your heart had no capacity for love?" Did you know, deprived soul, that Downton is in the Guiness Book of World Records as the most critically acclaimed show of ALL-TIME. Yo, BBC's Pride & Prejudice, I'm really happy for you, and I'm gonna let you finish, but Downton is the best show of all-time. ALL-TIME...

I recently revisited Season 1 with my mum and dad. I literally sat on the couch sandwiched between both my parents (or as my therapist would say, I was sandwiched between the metaphysical constraints stagnating my maturation into adulthood) in a sort of turn of the century pre-game to Season 2. It was a no-holds barred marathon replete with subtitles for the ESL amongst our group. Within the first hour my father started making acute observations, such as, "Puta, que bueno." Well said, Carlos J. Kuri. I've been trying to pinpoint exactly what it is about this show that inspires such impassioned praise and while the most obvious and rudimentary assessment would suggest it's the writing/acting/ etc., I say nah. It is fact that Downton is the quintessential amuse-bouche but still, the tingly sensation that courses through me after each hour of the show can only be attributed to the meth component hidden within the gilded hallways of Highclere Castle, aka, the Abbey. One can't help but desperately pace, and itch, and need for the next installment seconds after the credits clear the screen. I can't remember feeling that way about anything else. Don't think I am not fully aware of how this paints me on my match.com profile. I can't help it though. It's the meth I tell you, the meth!!!!

So what's it all about? I'm not going to tell you. Seeing is believing. Besides, history has taught me that delving into the plot points only cheapens the experience, or in the alternative, taints the opinion with preconceived impressions based on one's tolerance for period piece drama. And boy is there drama at Downton. High dollar drama. If Downton and say, 90210, were on the prostitute scale, 90210 would be a penthouse escort service and Downton would be Jessica Simpson's fiance, Eric Johnson. So good and manipulative you wouldn't even realize you were with a life-time prostitute. You see what I'm saying? ALL-TIME. I will say as much, though: if you ever wished to go back and re-live the memory of reading your favorite literary classic, whether it be Austen, Dickens, Tolstoy, James, Fitzgerald, Wilde, Doyle, Trollope etc for the first time without knowing a single detail, this is that experience. I would even argue that it's a better experience because with Downton, since it is original programming, you can't cheat and neither can anyone else. There are no cliff notes or English teacher or encyclopedia (do they even make those any more), or just general existing knowledge telling you what it is, what it's about, what's going happen and the biggest boner killer, how it ends. This show is lit-er-ally the real life proposition of, "what would happen if [insert favorite old-timey author] was a screenwriter living today and wrote a show called [insert favorite book written before 1920]. You see what I'm saying? I'll give you a minute to digest that thought. Downton is truly a work of art in every sense of the word and absolutely worth a viewing. Hey, you may not like it in the end, and that's cool.....NOT...,but regardless I defy you, or anyone else, to come away from that one hour you did dedicate to the most critically acclaimed show of ALL-TIME, and not stand a little straighter, talk a little more appropriately, and wish with all your might that Maggie Smith was your grandmother.

Netflix and other streaming services are running the first season of Downton Abbey in preparation for Season 2 which starts Sunday, January 8th on PBS. Go watch it. It will change your life.

Extreme Couponing or as I like to call it Organized Hoarding

2011-09-14T15:59:00.006-07:00

So my boss came into the office one day and could not stop waxing poetic about the TLC show, "Extreme Couponing". sidenote: quotations right? He said the amount these people save was unbelievable and worth a watch. So I did. And, well, yeesh. While these people are performing miracles at the check-out counter what exactly do they gain by stockpiling their houses with 150 years worth of men's deodorant or cat food for ghost cats, i.e cats they don't have. These people clearly do not want change. The absence of change and Charmin Ultra toilet paper with aloe vera because that particular gem never goes on sale. Admittedly there is a quantitative upside. While their asses might scream for moisture and some sympathy, at least for the next 750 years in perpetuity the Smith family's kin will enjoy the tingling sensation of abusively expired Ragu Homestyle Tomato Sauce.

Look, I can understand the thrill of the bargain. I am not adverse to buying on sale and I am the daughter of one, Carlos J. Kuri. I am also not a stranger to the idea of coupons. My mother is an avid coupon clipper with much success therefore I do concede couponing holds a monetary and somewhat gratifying purpose. However. And you know when I say however that we're climbing to the danger zone, right? Here's the reality. There is a difference between purchasing both needed and wanted items at peak bargaining moments and what these people do. This is not a revelation. What the Coupon Diva etc. do, in my honest and most humblest opinion, and yes, the correct opinion, is hoarding. Replace the make-shift garage grocery stores with discarded baby doll parts found at flea markets and I see no difference. Well, ok, one difference. The discarded baby doll aficionado probably eats out every night at the local Chucky Cheese to lure children into their layer but whatever. My point is Extreme Couponers are hoarders from the other side of the color prism and therefore not the type of people we should wish to succeed. If not for them than for the children. Anyone else worried about the children?!? Where are Child Protective Services going to be when little Mary-Sue screams out in agony over the toilet because of the originally priced 99 cent "manager's special Hilshire Farm deli meat bought for 27 cents with coupons? Who's going to tell her that the pain that's most aptly described as a nest of wasps in her hoo haa is because mommy worships at the alter of the Super Saver circular? Using hard earned cash to develop doomsday bunkers filled with razor blades and dried cranberries is not a way to live. And for those that believe there is nothing wrong with that, well, then, at least don't invite me to dinner.

It ain't right. I'm telling you kids, this is not a show to admire. This is a show that needs a PSA at the end of every episode, some sort of reminder to viewers that the views held by these people are not the views endorsed by the FDA, the CDC, the CAA, the CNN, the Declaration of Independence or anything else. That being said, yeah, it's totally entertaining.

HP Deathly Hallows Trailer. Tinkle Tinkle Little Stars

2010-06-29T10:52:00.007-07:00

The boy who lived...come to die. I just..can't..process. Just the music alone. Explicit chills. I admit I shed a tiny tear at the scene where Ron and Hermione are running backwards with their wands on the offensive in what looks like the shambles formerly known as Hogsworth. God I remember reading those intense pages near the end and just begging with my mind that JK spare Ron and Hermione from death and yet having no faith at all that she would. I miss that feeling from a book, don't you? The last time any reading whatsoever has affected me that much was when I looked at my first Water and Power bill for the months of Feb.-Apr. And yet even then the goosebumps weren't as severe. To stave off the agony of waiting until November I'm going to make it my mission to visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando. They've got butterbeer, a wand that chooses YOU, AND, AND, AND three new rides. One of which Steph Meyer can't get on. Point to Rowling. Man I want to nerd out when I'm there. I'm talking costumes, Gryffindor shit, and any ginger I know so I can feel as if Ron is with me. In the meantime I'm posting the trailer below to revel in its glory. Enjoy!

There's an "App" For That..

2009-08-25T19:26:00.001-07:00

I wouldn't be surprised if there was. No really. Which is why I may be moving to Switzerland..where Google can't get to you.

Music Music Everywhere

2009-08-20T07:30:00.008-07:00

Even though Jen is in London she still has time to pass on great tunes. She knew about my new found obsession with Bon Iver and so... Well, I wouldn't call it "new". I've known about him for years but my taste in music is cyclical and when Bon showed up on my radar I had just passed the cut-off mark for my soft folk infused period. I can't remember why I didn't automatically go ape-shit for it, I think at the time I had just moved on to synth rock, aka E.S.T. and Shiny Toy Guns. But whatever. I'm back in the mood for singer songwriter acoustic guitar/sytar type music and Jen delivered. If there's a twist to the band it's even better. Like Grizzly Bear and their Pet Sounds-esque lullaby. Anyway, it's taken a billion words to just get to the point which is Bon Iver (pronounced Bone E-Ver) is amazing and he's joined forces with Volcano Choir. Well technically Volcano Fire is a compilation of many great artists that sometimes get together to release great fucking songs. This round it's Bon Iver + Collections of Colonies of Bees. If your confused think Postal Service which is three friends, one of which is Ben Gibbard from Death Cab for Cutie, or Stars which is two kids who are also part of Broken Social Scene...and talking in circles again. So Volcano Fire's album, UnMap, which will be released Sept. 22nd, includes a song I haven't been able to stop listening too. The song is called "Island, IS". I will put a link below for your downloading pleasure. It's so good. On repeat good. I think I already said that but it was worth repeating. I'm definitely buying that album. More Music after the jump

Speaking of Bon, that guy has been a busy little bee as of late. Apparently he's also contributing a song to the New Moon soundtrack. What's New Moon? I know you know and please spare me the humiliation of having to explain. I was stunned he lent a song. Even more stunned that he didn't just license an old recycled song but actually wrote a new tune for the film. Literally he sat down, thought about the themes of the book that he probably had to read or go to a Twilight website to peruse, and wrote words to music. Really? Wow. Can you imagine Bon Iver at a desk with a hazy image of Robert Pattinson sparkling in the sunlight behind his eye lids humming to himself "sadness...danger...desolation...magic". If I wasn't so pathetically in love with this series I'd die laughing at the thought. Ok, no. I'm laughing but it's still a great coup that Bon wanted in on the project. But I wasn't done stunning though. Seconds later I learned someone else also contributed a song to the soundtrack. A new song as well. Thom Yorke. Yeah. Thom Yorke. Contributing a song to a film adaptation of a book with gems such as..."When I told you that I didn’t want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy Unbelievable right? I still can't wrap my head around that. Well, Thom I sort of can. He licensed "15 Step" to play at the end credits of Twilight so he was familiar with the project. Curiously though he lent the song for use in the film but not for the soundtrack. Probably thought no one would see it. He probably also thought Coldplay, his cheap substitute, would be a one album wonder too. Side note question: Isn't he notorious for not lending music out for films? I thought I heard that somewhere. Anywho, other bands supposedly in the running for the album include Band of Skulls (which I've heard and they're good), Death Cab, The Used, and...wait for it...wait for it...Kings Of Leon. I.just.don't.get.it..."Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night...And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliance, there was beauty" Seriously? Kings of Leon? Really? Whatever. I'd be happy.

Anyway enough about Twilight. Let's move onto Where the Wild Things are shall we. I just read an article that discusses Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeah's involvement with the film. She's the driving force behind the soundtrack. Sidenote: If you haven't heard and or own The Yeah Yeah Yeah's latest, "It's Blitz" you're missing out. It's incredible. Different from their normal fare but still amazing. (I sound like Katie Holmes talking about her maybe gaybe husband don't I). The article reports the score was a collaboration between Karen O and Carter Burwell.( yes, Carter Burwell of Twilight fame. He wrote the infamous "Bella's lullaby". Alexandre Desplait (Curious Case of Benjamin Button) is writing the New Moon score...My hatred of myself for knowing this shit is more than the brunt of your laughter so shove it.) Karen and her musical team on the album which includes members of The Bird and The Bee, The Dead Weather, and many more call themselves, "Karen O's kids"... Catchy no?...leave an outstanding imprint on the soundtrack. Can't wait! I've added a vid where you can hear part of the score and some of the songs for your ear below.

Well that's it for now kids. I'm not proofing this so deal with both grammatical and other errors. Peace.

Download: Volcano Fire: Island, IS (LOVE IT)

featurette
by ThePlaylist

Too Great Not to Share

2009-08-19T06:37:00.004-07:00

23 Movie Plots That Could Have Been Solved in Minutes:

From cracked.com:

Ever get frustrated that the villain rigs a complicated trap instead of just shooting James Bond in the head? Or that Batman doesn't just kill the damned Joker when he has him right in front of him? The truth is a whole lot of movies would be a whole lot shorter if their characters would just once say, "'Hey boss, I know this is gonna' sound crazy, but what if just this once, we tried not doing things the most complicated way possible?"

We asked you to show us via Photoshop how you would have resolved these plots more efficiently than the characters did.

Click on this link to see the full results. I'm placing one or two after the jump.

Imogen's Imagination

2009-08-17T19:10:00.004-07:00

Imogen Heap drops her latest album on August 24th. Now if you're a friend of mine on facebook then you know that her album, Speak for Yourself, ranked as one of my top five most influential albums. It was her voice that lead me to Au Revoir Simone, Air, Psapp, and many more. I like to think of it as ethereal electronica. A couple of years ago I had the chance to see Imogen live with Jennifer. It still is one of my favorite concerts of all time. As layered and complex as her sound is, 90% of it is all her. You think I'm lying but I'm not. She loops her voice and other instruments to be able to do it. She is one impressive artist. Imogen embedded her new album on her website for a listen. I've copied the code and put it here for you guys to enjoy. God I love her:

Brittainia

2009-08-11T09:00:00.002-07:00

Today marks the day of my bestie's departure to London for two years. Two whole years in the land of feesh n' cheeps, Her-may-onee Greenjah, and Protestantism. Man I'm going to miss her. She was the first friend I ever made in the trecherous terrain known as the public school system. I still debate with her as to whether she thought I was one of the "special" kids when I introduced myself to her on the second day of school per my mother's brilliant idea. "Hi, my name is Monique. What is your name?" cue Jennifer's mind: God Damn it I have no time for this shit. Eat the paste kids go through the front doors and report to the teacher with the colored macaroni craft necklace and banana clip down the hall. Of course that's always what I suspected she thought. What she actually did and said, though, is the essence of who my friend is. With a kind and genuine smile she introduced herself, and her friends and the rest is history. It's been what, 18 years now? Holy schnikes is right.

I'm actually really excited for her, well, as much as I can be for the complete loner I will become now that she, one of two single friends I have in this city, has left. Or, is leaving..today at 3pm...central standard time. Anxiety? Who has anxiety? Not me? I sound disturbed and a bit lesbianish about my friend don't I? I'm not to the second count, suspect on the first. But whatever this isn't about me this is about Jennifer. She's going to get to watch Skins season 4 on its first run. She will also be in the presence of sexy accents, Gwyneth Paltrow, the Glastonbury music festival, the tube, the cue, the loo, the mind the gaps, the cabs, those cute phone booths,the Queen, the Queen's son, the Queen's grandson, the Queen's grandson who may or not be blood related, New Order, The Cure, Abbey Road, Shakespeare, Harrods, Paddington Bear, Marc Darcy, Radiohead, the London Tower, Big Ben, Cadburry chocolates, and Burberry. Yeah, I think she will be fine.

Me? Sure

Safe travels friend! I'll see you on skype.

120ish Minutes of 500 Days of Summer

2009-06-24T19:41:00.006-07:00

A week ago (as I procrastinate I have to add a night FYI, taking bets that the final tally will be about "three months ago") I attended a special screening of the film, 500 Days of Summer at the Angelika. My love for this film began the day I first laid eyes on the trailer. Within the first seconds of footage I heard the familiar beats of Regina Spektor's "US" and just knew. Call me shallow or whatever but for me trailer music can really make or break my desire to see a film. For instance, if a movie utilizes say, Band of Horses, i.e. Penelope, I will instantly want to see it, no matter if the story is about a girl with a pig nose played by the forehead of Cristina Ricci. Nights of Rohdarte? That shit used LifeHouse or something in that particular genre and I avoided the film like the plague. Could it be because Richard Gere and Keanu Reeves acting are interchangeable for me? Possibly..."I was very ANGRY with my father.." Could it be because it's Nicolas Sparks? Uh huh.

This is not to say that ONLY songs playing in the background of the trailer dictates what I want to see but pretty much. Unless its a Harry Potter film, a Twilight film, an Apatow film, or life beat me down, I usually pass.

Bottom line: I was euphoric to see this film. And tickle my balls the movie did not disappoint. Hallelujah! Praise the Jesus! I'd be lying if that didn't come as shock. I had fully intended it to suck. Hyped movies are very rarely something I actually enjoy. I'm looking at YOU Sunshine Cleaning, what with your depressing plot/tone heavily disguised in the trailer with the sensationally incandescent Amy Adams smile. Little did I know that ONE smile in the trailer was all I was going to get. ONE smile and a whole lot of suicidal shitshows with a sprinkle of lesbianism. Moving On after the jump.

I won't ruin the plot for you but I will reiterate what is said in the opening credits: This is not a love story. Tis true. It is not. But that does not mean one is left feeling saddened. No, this movie is hope. Hope in a cup (for you, X). You see, for anyone who's ever been in a situation where you desperately want something or someone so much it makes you do retarded things like talk to them or invite them out and/or eat something and yet, that desperation leads you nowhere because duck duck goose you're not it...this movie will resonate. Not only resonate but make it make sense in the grandiose scheme of it all. There is one line said by the very beautiful Zooey Deschenel, i.e. Summer, i.e. I am lesbian for you, near the end that just literally hits the spot and makes you go, "got it." Very cryptic, eh? I know. I said I wasn't going to spoil it. It's a happy ending though...if you look at life with a glass half full approach. I usually don't but I also had the good fortune of sharing some popcorn and sour patch kids so it kind of muddled my normally caustic, thank you office manager, mentality.

So watch it guys. Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zooey Deschanel are pitch-perfect. Shining stars. And the music is ridic. So So So good. The Smiths, Regina Spektor, Patrick Swayze, amazing. Jennifer was kind enough to forward an article detailing the music in the film and why the specific songs in the film were chosen. It's worth a read.(Thanks Jen!)

For Jerry

2009-06-10T07:02:00.002-07:00

Trailer for Van Wilder Freshman Year:

My friend, Jerry, is in this movie. Apparently. He's not in the trailer but he's Asian so you can't miss him in the film. I ask all my friends to buy this masterpiece (comes out July 14th) to support Jerry's Ed Hardy converse collection. The ruby bejeweled ones are calling his name.

Proud of you Jer! Hugs!

Twitter

2009-05-07T12:10:00.002-07:00

If one post every three weeks is not enough for you then you can subscribe to my twitter. My handle is geektosheek. I have absolutely NO IDEA how the fuck twitter works, what the point of twitter is, if any of my generation uses or understands twitter and why its called twitter. What I do know is I joined cause whatever. If you want to join and also not understand the point go to twitter.com. And here is the rest of it.

The Countess my have to Count on Another Name

2009-03-31T09:02:00.002-07:00

The Real Housewives of Everything is one of the only shows I watch these days. It's seriously like a scab you can't help but pick at but when you do you inevitably start oozing blood and hate yourself for the next couple of days because it hurts like shit and takes forever to scab over again. Yes this is EXACTLY what I feel like every Tuesday night but I can't help it. These ladies are THE most entertaining attention seeking desperates in the most unfortunate outfits, hair styles, angles, and dilemmas I've ever seen! Right now Bravo is airing The Real Housewives of New York, not to be confused with The Real Housewives of Jersey which is coming to a television screen near you in the coming months. I must say that their delusions of class this season are far better than last season. Especially the Countess LuAnne de Lesseps, the countess who's name she shares with a platter at Luby's. She literally stated two weeks ago that men do not like their women to feel equal to them; that the damsel in distress is what gets men riled up. My personal feeling is that its viagra, alcohol, and availability but whatever. LuAnne is the former "print-ad" model, code for I used to model stirrups for Land's End, who married some aging (yes LuAnne, he's ancient, practically surviving on Metamucel) Count from somewhere who's family apparently gave the United States the Statute of Liberty. I love how they gift the symbol of freedom with an inscription that reads, "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free" yet go around Manhattan requiring the "help", i.e. drivers, domestics, and fucking everyone else, call them "Count and Countess" so as not to be associated with the poor tired masses or the trashy.

Anywho today People.com posted that THE COUNTESS is separating from her husband. Apparently "print" models don't curry favor anymore. Do you love it or do you LOVE it. Bust out the damsel routine LuAnne looks like you're going to need it! And here is the rest of it.

Grandmothers

2009-03-30T09:47:00.001-07:00

My grandmother told me this morning that she was glad I lost all the post-asshole weight because now she can see my face. Today is going to be a great day.

Good Things Come to Those Who...

2009-03-29T08:38:00.007-07:00

As I alluded to earlier I won a chance to review a book from one of my favorite authors. The book in question is Megan MacCafferty's final chapter in the Jessica Darling series, Perfect Fifths. OMG indeed. As you guys can understand I don't want to fuck this up so I'm going to take my sweet ass time finding the right way to express my thoughts on Jessica and Marcus' last go round. Rest assured I've finished the book already; it's hard not too. But I'm going to go back and sit with it for awhile. And by "sit with it" I mean re-read sections. I've said to much already. Look for the review this week. For right now I'll leave you with this. You'll understand soon enough.

Random Ramblings

2009-03-26T07:22:00.006-07:00

1. This is kind of disturbing? Is it? I don't know I waiver. On the one hand, it could be perceived as her taking control of her life. On the other, it's a gun...on your rib cage. A tiny gun I grant you but still a weapon. What happened to tramp stamps in the shape of butterflies or some ancient Tahiti symbol for "breathe"? I am sincerely befuddled. Actually I'm sincerely concerned that she flew her tattoo artist to wherever she was. Couldn't she have waited, oh I dunno, until she was in his vicinity? I take it she did not send an email question to Obama's cyberchat. There were rumors awhile back that she was broke. Must have been just rumors. Domestic Disturbia 09 is getting outta hand guys. Outta hand.

2. Apparently the gymnist Shawn Johnson needs protection because a fan with TWO guns and DUCT TAPE showed up to the set Dancing with the Stars coming for her. Shawn Johnson needs protection. Shawn Johnson. No, not Mary Lou Retton. Shawn Johnson. I don't get America; I really don't. Yes. Shawn Johnson. Fine, I'll include a picture of her here.

3. The time has come. Where the Wild Things Are trailer: here. Misty eyed. You know what else is in the works? Amelia Bedelia. Yes siree. Playtone, owned by Tom Hanks, bought the rights and is adapting it for the big screen. They also, coincidentally, adapted The Polar Express and Where the Wild Things Are. Nice move Tom. Praying upon everyone's childhood is indeed smart. Now if you can also get cracking at a couple of other favs including some short films for Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shell Silverstein, and a treatment for Sideway Stories from Wayside School by Louis Sachar I will promise to watch any movie or show your son is in. Thanks!

Brainiacs to Good Google Use

2009-03-25T07:39:00.003-07:00

The Google geeks are genius. Ever replied to "all" then wanted to kick yourself in the balls because you only intended to reply to one? Raise your hand if you mocked someone completely intentionally on email but not so much intended for them to know that. Raise your hand if you've sent a drunk "feelings" email then went to throw up because a.) mixing your alcohols is always a bad idea and b.) you realize sharing feelings is not what we as humans should do. I've done all of the above so many times I'm amazed people still converse with me. The Google Geeks wanted to change the humiliation so they've created the 5 second "O FUCK" rule. Yep. 5 seconds to take it back and retract a sent email. Tell me if this is not one of the best ideas ever. How it works is simple. When you hit the send button Google will automatically replace that button with "sending...undo" for 5 seconds at which point you click it and save your life. In order to activate this button, however, you need to go to your Google labs tab under settings in the upper right hand of your Gmail display. If you are confused ask me in the comments and I'll guide you.

This is going to change our live peeps.

How so Lucky?

2009-03-23T15:11:00.005-07:00

I have received text messages, gchat queries, and facebook comments from friends determined to know why I posted a positive message as a status update on said referenced facebook. So uncharacteristic of me I know but I can't help it. Today is a good today. I call it my Natasha Beddingfield day. Labeled as such because it's at precise moments like these, good moments, that a girl can't help but consider themselves part of a jewel toned color schemed shopping/laughing montage replete with smooth legs, headbands, and a fountain nearby for flavor. All captured, mind you, by the essence of the words from an of-the-now songstress singing about pocket fulls of sunshine and rain on the skin which no one can feel except for oneself. Yes girls, one of THOSE days.

I don't want to ruin the surprise but suffice it to say I won a contest and I'm going to get to write a review. Details will come soon so stay tuned. Until then...

And here is the rest of it.

Can't Be Sure

2009-03-19T08:59:00.006-07:00

I can't be sure but it looks like I own the same pair of jeans as Rachel Zoe. Who cares? I care. Because she's the ultimate stylist and if my tastes run in the same playground as hers then guess what...I'm just as un-awesome as I was before but by God I look good doing so. Of course hers were probably purchased in the kids section but I will not think of such things. I wore those jeans to a night at The Huntley in Los Angeles. Had I know the place was cougar central my ensemble would have incorporated a dash of leopard print. Leopard print and some hair teasing. Rebecca will vouch for me. A pic of Zoe in my possible jeans:

B to the S

2009-03-15T09:21:00.007-07:00

I've had an extremely trying weekend capped off with a literal hailstorm on Sunday. A hailstorm that most assuredly just destroyed the hood of my car. But bygones. I'm writing this because while the blindsides I received yesterday were RI-dick, three people in my life made it ok. You know who you are. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting me release my sadness. I'm sure with the crazy way this world works these last few moments of complete assinine bullshit will not be solitary incidences. More bullshit will come. Just like Robin Williams movies. But not everyone will have the support system I have to tolerate it. So again, to you guys, my knights, I love you.

MOTHER CHUCKER

2009-03-13T14:53:00.015-07:00

Normally I'm the biggest Spoiler whore this side of the Mason Dixie line. Shamefully I am the kid who opened my presents before Christmas then re-wrapped them feigning ecstasy on Jesus Day because I couldn't fathom not knowing what I was getting from my parents. I searched for my gifts before hand in the off-chance I hated what I got and couldn't method my way out of the disgust. Off-chance? What am I talking about off-change. As per usual I hate everything that isn't specifically on a pre-approved list. What? Lying here would only make gift spontaneity more popular amongst my friends which in turn would just require more method. Man, I'm such a dick but it gets worse. When I'd see said gift which was not as requested I'd proceed to drop hints for weeks that my friend, Sally, (always Sally) got [insert my Christmas gift here] for her birthday two weeks ago and wasn't that SOOOOOOO stupid Mom followed with a chuckle, chuckle for four counts..1, 2, 3, 4... then pause for three...1.2.3....then begin with who would want that?...deep deep breath for 1,2,3,4...continue with I mean can you believe it?...over emote for 4,5,6,...sigh again at 1,2,3..crescendo with I feel sorry for her pathetic excuse for a gift..pause for two,1,2...another sigh this time with slight head tilt downward for..3,4, 5, shake head with..1,2,3...and scene. Everytime guys. Everytime. As I type this I'm well aware that God did not need to provide me a physical asshole because technically my whole being is one. One big arsehole polluting the world with my own brand of E-coli called life. Damn it Rita, perdona! I really did learn to love that bright green Liz Claiborne wallet. It was never hard to find! I can't believe at almost 29 I still can't be decent about it all. This reminds me of the time I asked for a fake Louis Vuitton for my birthday. They sold them at Macy's under the brand "Moni". Little MM's instead of LVs. Cute, no? My father, who at the time adored me because my personality hadn't completely formed yet, decided to get me the real deal, as in LV, in an effort to appease his baby girl. Like real. At 11. You know what I did? So help me God to make him pay for his mistake of not buying me "Moni" I stuffed the probably $300 (it was the 80's kids) bag with fucking rocks to make a point. Quartz kids! Needless to say my father never forgave. From then on it was Math blaster 2.0 and other educational toys. Sigh. Follow me after the jump for the full tragedy.

SO yeah, I am not averse to knowing things before hand. In fact, it makes me deal with the world better, but sometimes, just sometimes, not knowing provides a thrill I had forgotten existed. Like when I picked up the Harry Potter books 7 years too late or when Jim and Pam finally got together on The Office. The feeling of NOT knowing what the hell was going to happen made me anxiety ridden and thus became a weekly topic at my therapy sessions. In the end, though, the payoff was fantastic. So were the bills....so were the bills. And yes I did indeed talk about Jim and Pam's relationship with my therapist; she assumed it was a metaphor. I did not correct her. Anywayz... Discovering things as they happened gives me a little high that I sometimes crave. And since I hadn't felt that for awhile I was looking forward to that little precious moment of incertitude with the release of Megan McCafferty's final chapter in the Jessica Darling series, Perfect Fifths. If you read this blog then you know to which books I'm speaking of because I have shoved them into your hands and the hands of those in your respective book clubs and/or made you a homemade "You.Yes.You." t-shirt as a Christmas gift..mmmmm Marcus.(sidenote: Jen I think you have my Charmed Thirds and Fourth Comings).

The book comes out April 14th, and I was STOKED, so much so I threw up a little in my mouth everytime I thought about the endless ways the story could go. Would Jessica end up with Marcus? Did Marcus cut off the dreds prompting him to lose his Samson-like mysticism? Are they both accountants? Or worse...Ice Road truckers! Has Jessica heard of Mutemath? So many possibilities! So many questions! All to be answered on April 14th!!! Gahhh! You see, you see the tension and bliss of the unknown I felt?!?!?! However someone will die because someone RUINED THE ENDING for me. Fuck no I'm not kidding! A reviewer that shall remain nameless, partially because I forgot who, thought it cool to answer some of the questions from the comments. Is it good? Yes, amazing, blah blah blah. Did you really like it? Of course who wouldn't blah blah blah. And then...DO MARCUS AND JESSICA END UP TOGETHER? Answer: I'm not telling you BUT SHE FUDGING TOLD ME. MOTHER CHUCKER!!!!!! This is what I wrote a friend when I found out:

FUDGGGGGGGEEEEEEE....UGH!!!!

I was SPOILED. I was SPOILED!! I found out how Perfect Fifths ends accidentally. FUCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!! I didn't want to know and my eyes grazed on a book review comment and the reviewer answered the damn question!.DAMN IT TO HELL IN A HAND-WEAVED BASKET!

AARRRRGHHHH

Note the excessive exclamation points and capital letters. That spells pissed friends. I know what you're thinking. Why did you go read reviews if you wanted that eensie little high of not knowing? Because it's a process folks. Because people just don't quit cold turkey. I was skimming to get a taste is all, smelling the bouquet to quote the most annoying overly-indulgent/descriptive writer ever. I did NOT expect said reviewer to answer the damn question. Who would answer that question?!?!? Tell me, WHO!!!? Whatever. So now I know. Granted I don't know how it unfolds or which perfect gems of dialogue/80's pop culture reference will be made this go round but I do know the bottom line. I hate that I know this. Will it deter me from picking up the book? Um...has a divorce from Lorenzo Lamas deterred the lucite beauty, Shauna Sands? No. I will still stand in line April 14th and read the book in a day in my You.Yes.You t-shirt. I will still dream that Marcus exists and is waiting to run into me at a Starbucks across the street and I will still enjoy it and push it on everyone. However I will already know the outcome. Le-Sigh. I guess in the grand scheme it could be worse. There could have been a half-vamp, half-human baby born with a full set of teeth named Marsica conceived from 107 year old sperm so....glass more than half full, yes?

The World is Catching On. Finally!

2009-02-20T09:35:00.005-08:00

Read

If you aren't an avid TGTS subscriber and have NO IDEA what the fuck I'm talking about then: read

And in the off-chance you're thinking to yourself, Who fucking cares, don't you realize the world economy is imploding and our President is being compared to a chimp and Rihanna...damn, then: read.

And in the off-off-chance you are hanging your head in shame at me, then: I agree.

Should I Be Concerned?

2009-01-17T17:29:00.011-08:00

My father told me he was going to Walgreens today (Editors note: by today I meant Sunday... I have a job you know). This does not surprise me. He loves that place. For complete serious. He can spend HOURS browsing the isles coming back two, three, fours days later with two plastic bags full of such delights as Wrigley's DoubleMint Kona Cream Gum, i.e. coffee flavored spearmint, that he got for .09 cents, and Clean & Clear's face glow moisturizer that he assumes one of the three ladies of the house could dig. And if not, he informs me, as he lathers his hands with the metallic-like substance, it works on the body, so no harm done. No, no harm done... to your hands. But your sweater? Yeah, "glow" taints my friends. Regardless, it's always fun to unpack the treasures my father finds at Walgreens. Unsuprisingly most fall under the "man I was so high at our company's product development symposium" category so they are practically gifted away. And my family does not reject gifts unless it surpasses the governments $1.5M lifetime gift exemption. Even then, I would take it and move to El Salvador where the word "extradite" is only used in terms of teeth cleaning. But alas today I was denied such pleasures. Why you ask? Because my father lied. He normally doesn't lie. Nunca. In fact I'd say his "honesty" can at times be...what's the word...douche-icitus. Like when he always says he liked my hair better before after I've returned from the salon in tears with a new hair cut that I asked the stylist to mimic Rachel Bilson only to realize after the scissors hit the hair shaft that she doesn't know who Rachel Bilson is but she knows of another famous Rachel, i.e. Rachel Green from Friends that she just so happened to have caught on reruns the night before in that episode where Ross and Rachel FINALLY get together and was that not who I was talking about? Comma, oh dear.

But anyway...I digress.

My father did not end up going to Walgreens because he, like many of us, got lured in by the ridiculous sales signs all over department stores. Don't you feel like those numbers on the colored cardboards are singing to you?..."Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got...wouldn't you like to get away....sometime you wanna go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came...." I know they know my name, especially at Barney's Co-Op, but in all heart attack, the sales dudes...the sales! Sidenote: I just bought some freaking sweet ass boots for 70% of. 70 PERCENT OFF. Only in this crippling economy guys. Where was I? Ah yes, so about four hours after the whole, "Oye, me voy a Walgreens, nos vemos" convo, my Dad comes back with some purchases. Sadly, none of them are of the macadamia nut flavored Neosporin variety but instead clothes for hisself. Two pairs of jeans. Alright. A bit baggy for my taste but perhaps my dad doesn't like constriction. Nor do I like the fact that I thought about my father's idea of what he finds constricting, or if he constricts, or anything related to anything ever never ever never never nunca never ever about my father and constriction in any sense of wanting constriction or just constriction with father.never. Next came a suit jacket that whatever. I mean it's a suit jacket. He tells me he'll wear it to tango. By all means go for it. And then....

And then he busts out his most favorite find of the day, a hunter green terry track suit from Juicy Couture...for men. Number one: They make Juicy Couture track suits for men? Number two: They make Juicy Couture track suits for men and men are buying them? Number three: They make Juicy Couture track suits for men and men are buying them and by men I mean my father? Is Speechless. I instinctively checked his wrists and hands for any silver chain bracelets or some sort of a leather cuff or perhaps a thick ring in the shape of a cross. WHAT.THE.FUCK. My mind immediately starts running and I take myself back to last weekend. Father in the kitchen. Long-sleeve fitted thermal with a skull emblazoned with what I thought when the sun hit it just so was a rhinestone but turned out to be an eyelash in my eye. He had paired that winner with a striped scarf. I laughed it off as a fluke but now? It is true that many a times good deals dictate what my father wears. He is anything if not monetarily savvy. And it's true that sometimes he does not know of what he wears. Take for instance fifteen years ago. My father is gifted, or found, or whatever a t-shirt that read "Vivo y Positivo!". He wore that beauty all the time because it was colorful and free and he thought it was a lovely shout-out to the art of thinking optimistically because the literal translation of the phrase reads, "Alive and Positive!" But no. The shirts were made for an AIDs walk-a-thon two years prior. Get it. Alive and Positive. I mean we all knew that. I thought he did too. It wasn't until I finally decided to verbally commend him for the solidarity that he awakened to the gist of the shirt. He hasn't worn it since. Not that he was offended by it in any way but you know he is clocking at a mean 135 pounds on a good week. Totally unfair, really high metabolism, but yeah.

So my point to this long winded rant is...should I be concerned? It starts with Juicy and faux Ed Hardy but then what? True Religion jeans? John Hardy wallet chain? SPRAY TAN!!!!!!!

I think we need to stage an intervention. Agree?

I Will CUT YOU if you Don't

2009-01-13T19:25:00.006-08:00

I don't watch TV much anymore. No, really. I'm 100% serious. Is there a new Office this week? Guess what...I dunno. Ok I do know. Yes there is and it looks amusing. But...but..I don't watch it live anymore. I don't watch anything live anymore. Honest. I had this idea awhile ago to attempt to explain this sudden seismic shift but you know what? I didn't. Not that it matters because I'm telling you now. I don't watch television much anymore. But does anyone these days? In any sort of religious way? I don't know someone who does. Do you? Are the constant questions confusing? Sorry I'm listening to music right now so I'm not coherent. I listen to music now. I also read. And do yoga in my bedroom with this DVD of a yoga instructor in her 60's with more flexibility than I feel is comfortable to watch. In, by the way, a green unitard that shows off her womanly figure nether area triangle to the fullest disadvantage. Think basset hound. I also like doin' stuff like drinking water. But all this my friends is a red herring because I have a favor to ask. Friday Night Lights comes back to NBC this Friday and I want the show to survive. Admitedly I never got around to finishing the second season but it's good quality entertainment. And Taylor Kitsch is in it in all his future Gambit glory. I'm going to Tivo it to support. You will too. I'm telling you now. To get you motivated:

Sharing the Love

2009-01-02T07:45:00.004-08:00

Since I have some free time lately I thought I'd keep this puppy mildy up to date. Of course I make no promises. Promises are for politicians, but I'm trying. I thought today I would post some of the songs I've been listening to lately. They may not be your cup of tea but it's free. You wouldn't pass up the free handouts at Smoothie King even if you ate already, am I right? Exactly. Enjoy:

Fleet Foxes: Blue Ridge Mountains
Stars: Life 2 Unhappy Ending
Kings of Leon: Use Somebody
Bloc Party: Signs
The National: Fake Empire
Vampire Weekend: Exit Music (For a Film)
Paramore: Hallelujah
The Black Ghosts: Repetition Kills

New Resolutions

2009-01-01T09:41:00.006-08:00

My New Years Resolutions:

1. Download full albums. Last night Jen gave me two CD's to burn into my iTunes, Fleet Foxes and She & Him. If this were 2008 I would have probably just listened to the album picked one or two winners and left it at that. But this is 2009 my friends and I'm turning over a new leaf. This year it'll be all or nothing. I'm off to a great start, downloaded full albums of The Black Ghosts, Bloc Party, and The National. I'm more awesome already.

2. Stop being a bitch. A couple of weeks ago a co-worker described me as "acerbic" before taking it back then, a few seconds later, feeling the need to be a bit more accurate and descriptive, called me "caustic". Yes, caustic: capable of burning or corroding living tissue. That doesn't sound very pleasant now does it. I thought he was just on his period until a couple of days when another friend called me a "real fucking bitch". Granted said individual was at the time taking shots of After Shock while simultaneously drinking Red Bulls and Vodka. Not to mention three hours later found himself at a strip club getting kicked out for reasons he will not divulge. Needless to say he said it. Multiple times. And with much more ferocity as the night wore on. He also called me a lesbian, but I'm guessing that's just because the word "bitch" wasn't piercing my hard as steel exterior. That or he remembered my haircut from sophomore year. However today in the early hours of 2009 I think I can safely say that yes, I am a really bitchy hoesbeast. Bitchy bitchy, bitchy. Hoesbeast, hoesbeast, hoesbeat. Nice ring to it, no? But, as I admit this let me go on record as stating that some may find the attitude charming, i.e. myself. As they say one person's shit is another person's treasure. However I see it. I see how most would not want to be in my company the way that I act. And by most I mean everybody. So yeah, in the upcoming year I'm gonna try my hardest to earn a downgrade from caustic to merely off-putting. If I succeed we all win kids.

3. Remember I have a closet. This one is pretty self-explanatory. While I did ask for a maid for Christmas when I was nine, true story, at 29 asking for one for Christmas seems...so...I'm just going to say it cause you know it's true... smart...yes guys, smart.. but alas unnecessary. As is making Christmas lists. With the economy as it is and people reverting to Hamburger Helper to get them through this tough time, a maid could be superfluous if I remember that I have a closet.

There are other resolutions but eh. I won't actually work on them so why memorialize the rest of the list on my blog. Those that I have discussed here are the only ones that could potentially not make me suck in 2009.

Laters.

Oh, and Happy New Year.

In Honor of the Snow

2008-12-11T09:05:00.008-08:00

Last night snow fell in my hometown. A sight I probably haven't seen since I was about nine or ten. I even remember what I wore that fateful day eons ago. For the curious it was a turqoise pajama set. God, my brother and I had fun that day running around and playing in the milimeter thick blanket of blow. We tried to make snowballs that, sadly, never could get any bigger than the size of a snow cone made with Snoopy's super special snow cone machine to throw at each other. Ahh, to feel young again without the use of alcohol. Sigh.

My sister was particularly excited about the paltry scene last night. It was her first snow fall after all. She took the requiste bazillion pictures. Look, a fleck of snow falling! Click Click Click. The deck! The deck! Snap Snap Snap. The bitch in me wanted to say, I've seen better, but I refrained. I didn't want to ruin the magic for her. In all sincerity it did finally feel like Christmas, if only for a span of six hours. Forecasters have us back in the 70's by the weekend. Blerg. At least I still have the Vince Guaraldi Trio and the Peppermint Mocha's, right?

New Obsessions

2008-11-02T15:13:00.011-08:00

Where have I been? Yada Yada Yada, border town, no donkey shows, wish you were here. Moving on. I've got two new band obsessions. One, is a sprinkle of Police with a dash of fuck if I know. The other? I'm too embarrassed to reveal yet. Give me time or until the end of this post.

First up: Mute Math. Delicious. I heart them. Frankly, I can't believe they skipped my radar. They're like that band where you think to yourself, where have you been my whole life? Answer: in New Orleans in high school probably head banging to Nirvana like the rest of us. The only other time I felt that way was three or four years ago and her name was Imogen. Mmmmm whatcha say...but you only meant well...well of course you did hmmmm whatcha say...oooh and it's justa what we nee.. BAM! BAM BAM! Marissa shoots Trey. End Scene. So yeah, they're awesome. So awesome that I burned a damn CD and shipped it. A CD dude. That's love. If one were to ask me to describe their sound I could only say this. If you got the Police to hang out with like Death Cab and some other band that's like Death Cab but not then you would have Mute Math. Download this: You are Mine and Noticed.

Second: Ok, I'm not ready yet. It's just too wrong. Fine. I'll say it. Paramore. *winces*. I feel like I should be wearing skinny black jeans, vans, a Night Before Christmas hoodie, and a beanie that hides my razor cut pitch black hair. They're in essence this generations Ev-a-nescene. Amy Lee with a bolder hair color but alas I like them. Something about a really good female vocalist just gets me. The band is signed to the Chop Shop label so in my mind that minimizes the self-loathe. Alexandra doesn't put shit on her label. Yes, The Fray can go die now and Snow Patrol will forever be that band in Greys but at one point they were fresh sounds and thats what Alexandra delivers. And again, yes I know I just said upthread they're this gen's Evanescene so how can I mention freshness yet simultaneously compare them to a popular band from the early 00's. Because I do what I want. I keel people... Dowload this: Decode, I Caught Myself, That's What You Get.

Now why these random two bands all of a sudden? Because they're featured on the Twilight Soundtrack. Stop rolling your eyes Jas. It's kinda embarrassing, ok extremely embarrassing that I've had to experience them through a tween phenom but when good music comes around you don't argue where you first heard it, you appreciate the discovery and go on with your life. But...going back to the soundtrack, it's awesome. MuteMath, Paramore, Blue Foundation, The Black Ghosts. Ever heard of any of them? I hadn't. Well, yes I knew of Paramore but the rest, nope. And they're heaven. If you don't want anyone to catch you sampling the Twilight Soundtrack go to their myspace pages and listen.

Also..Keane, "Spiriling" is insane. I'll upload some songs later, but for now sample their myspace pages.

Happy Birthday Danielle!!

2008-09-21T19:44:00.002-07:00

I don't know if she even reads this anymore? Does anyone? Hello...is it me you're looking foooorrrr! And scene. Happy Birthday friend, enjoy your day.

May This Be a Lesson

2008-09-15T13:36:00.020-07:00

It isn't very often life throws me a lesson. The few times I can count on my fingers. Once was when I threw out my old Units leggings only to realize in 1997, 2001, 2003, 2005, and 2008 that spandex is a girl's best friend after a Cheetos dinner. Bonus, it's apparently trendy again. Lesson learned: Do not throw away any article of clothing ever. Put it in storage or in your brother's closet unbeknowest to them if you have to. Then when you dig them out for the fifth time, dust off your "Get in Shape Girl" tape and accompaning baton and work out the pain of life. Another, don't make bets. Not for dollars, bragging rights, or the last diet Worthers Originals. Inevitably you will lose. And having to watch a friend crunch down on buttery goodness while your stomach trembles in sadness and hunger because you are trying to lose weight for an event that will suck anyway is a torture I think no one should experience. Lesson learned: Don't make bets. Other than that any lesson that God pushed my way I totally ignored and instead basqued in the glow of the general malaise of my generation. Follow after the jump.

Ike, however, had a different plan. Yes he did. He wanted to teach me the lesson to end all lessons. So he did by essentially slapping my face and whisper yelling, "Listen little girl, a day of reckoning is upon you! And that day is like right now at 5:30pm on Saturday September 13th, 2008." The cruelty of this very important lesson involved not one but two cans of Coke Zero. You see, I'm a panicker. I panic about even the minutest detail of everday life. I panic when I mistake a blonde hair for a grey hair, I panic when my tivo cuts a show off before the preview for the next episode is complete, I even panic when my puppy shits green. But aren't all shits green? Yes. To a degree. But money green and forest green are different and mean something. Dog owners understand. So one can only imagine the state of panic I was in Saturday at 1:30am when Ike stormed my city and raped it a new vagina while leaving its citizens with an understanding of how people lived way back in 1860 with no power. Eliza dear...how arrgh yew?...Needling thusly mama by the blaze of this ebolliant candlelight....aw how vary refreshing dearest...shall we take a turn about the room?...Yeah, like that shit.

When it was all over, the real fun began. I can only describe it as akin to having one's eyes dilated and then being forced to stare at the sun for seven hours. We surveyed damage, cut down tree limbs with our bare hands (totally true) to remove the blockage in our driveway, and talked to each other. Ugh. But alas a ray of hope was near. At about 3:30pm Centerpoint Energy restored electricity in my house. Humanity rejoice! Hoorah! Why so blessed? I dunno. Sometimes life just is. Ooh but Ike was not pleased. How could he be when he had a day of reckoning to give me at 5:30pm on Saturday September 13th, 2008!!! Enter two shiny cans of Coke Zero. Technically one, but total two. As I had stated upthread I'm a panicker and in situations such as this, i.e a hurricane the size of Texas barreling towards my backyard at breakneck pace, the panicker tends to make plans and prepare. Part of this so-called preparation included the idea of rationing. The rules were as follows, ration batteries, ration food, and most imperative ration caffeine because in my life caffeine is only second, or even at times too close to call, to Jesus of Nazarrene. So in the Friday debriefing with the family I stated that Monique's Hurricane Preparation Plan stipulated only ONE Coke Zero per day per family member with asterick. Asterick being that the little one, Ximena, got none because she's the baby and also lazy and if one had to be disposable you take out the weakest link and well...all I'm saying is that China and Sophie would approve.

This was the plan and it was approved by all but the little one who was then bribed by $20.00. But someone inevitably broke rank, and that someone was me. When the power came back at 3:30 on Saturday September 13th, 2008, I said screw it. Life is too short!!, live a little sassy!!!, get a second Coke Zero!!, celebrate!!, the power is back on!!! Subconsciously I knew it was too good to be true, but I was cocky. So eventhough the plan in plain terms stated ONE Coke Zero per day until the family could assess the current situation, I busted that refridg open, stared its contents for longer than the prescribed 2.5 seconds also stipulated in Monique's Hurrican Preparation Plan (remember, the less you open up the refridg the longer the food stays cold...the more you know), and pulled another iced one. Not two hours later Ike cut off the electricity again. The exponential tragedy of it all? I wasn't thirsty. Lesson learned: Don't be an asshole. Side lesson: Stick to the plan. I didn't and am paying justly for it. I should have waited until the next day and the post ops family meeting to announce Monique's Hurricane Preparation Plan for 2008 as a success before attempting a two-fer but I was too cocky. My family is convinced my taking another Coke Zero plunged us into the darkness we're still living in today. Sadly, they're right. Sorry dudes. So as I sleep at my friends house again for the second night in a row I reiterate to you dear readers...don't be an asshole, stick to your plan.

Hurricane Ike

2008-09-12T09:04:00.001-07:00

I may die. That is all.

Review and/or Abused: 90210

2008-09-03T13:02:00.032-07:00

**SORRY** A WEE BIT LATE...

I'm not going to go in depth here. I know you know I can but this series premiere was two effing hours long and I just don't have it in me to spend a day reveling in the lameness, therefore I'm just going to dabble in the low points after the jump, kay?

Let's see where do I begin? Oh yes, let's begin with the opening. Coldplay, Viva La Vida. Qu'est-ce que ça? I thought that one time I heard you on a teen soap, CP, you were just like doing Josh a favor. Half-truth? Hell, it's a nice surprise but also oddly uncomfortable. Is Colp aware there is no free trade on the little network that maybe can but probably won't? Or that people tuning in also like The Chris Daughtry and Hoobastank? My little Napoleonic drummer boys...are you getting too commercial on me? Am I going to see whopper flashing like strobe light technicolor set to the chorus of Clocks in a week? Do-do-do-do-do-do do-do do-do-do-do-do do-do, whopper, whopper...Sorry my brain got stuck. It took the state of the lovely ladies of West Bev to snap me out of it. I will only say this: If Mamma Cass were alive today she'd have easily mistaken them for knitting needles thusly sparing them from their fate as a ham sandwich. Also this: Do I need to send the CW the E! True Hollywood story of Tracy Gold? God, did anyone remember that? When, in the last episode ever of Growing Pains, Tracy was supposed to eat a piece of pizza but she was too far gone in her anorexia so she would tear of little bits between takes to ensure the taste didn't enter her tongue? No? Well I saw it and it scared the shit out of me. It scared the shit out of every chunky high schooler in America!

Waifness aside, other surreally disturbing things caught my eye. Like the fact that the supposed jock with the sensitive heart got a blow job from someone who wasn't his bitchy girlfriend in the first oh, fifteen minutes of the show. Or the fact that said bitchy girlfriend was parading around in the sporty Chanel bag used by Madonna and other uber celebrities back in 2004. It's 2008 sweetie and even reality stars like Audrina Partride fake live with CC bags so it's time to find a more unobtainable designer. Goyard perhaps? Also, it's preferable that you choose a style that wasn't offered when Lohan was a heterosexual size six. If this show is going to survive on clothes and a soundtrack at least get those elements right. Right? Oh and one more tiny insignificant thing. Chanel is meant to be worn sporadically in one's ensemble. Do NOT go matchy matchy in the pearl Chanel earrings AND the long pearl Chanel necklace. We don't want to be confused for Euro, ok.

Back to the jockstrap with a heart of gold. How is this going to work here. So because the man feels deeply sad inside about letting some unassuming freshman blow him in his Yukon while his gf forwent a hair straightener we hope and pray and wish upon Edward Cullen that he eventually gets with Annie, the Kansas bred singing sensation that will melt our heart with her anorexia deteriorated ergo cosmetically repaired smile that is too white and too big because her face is too pulled because of said anorexia? In a word, no. Because that would be sending the wrong message to our young. The devil is in the details my friends.

And I'm not understanding the point of Dixon, Annie's adopted African American brother. Why is he black again? Are we trying to be different here CW? Like, "See America, just because we canceled practically all of our African American counter-programming doesn't mean we don't LOVE black people! Dixon is black! See!! We LOVE Black people!" If it fits the story then hey man fair play, but let's be realistic. It makes no sense whatsoever that he's African American. The family is from Kansas for Heath's sake. Finding a Dixon in middle America is like finding a decent celebrity at the Republican National Convention. Are we going to have to suffer through the very special episode where Dixon gut wrenchingly hears a racial slur? Newsflash: we're past racial now, current trends favor religious persecution so it's Navid's story to lose frankly.

Also, what is with Silver, aka Erin, Kelly and David's haf-sister, and her blog. Its pretty effing lame. Is she attempting to be West Bev's Jib Jab? Or I dunno...Gossip Girl, who in my mind automatically wins in a throw-down because Kristen Bell's voice is a fierce bitch. Its so been done a thousand times already 90210, get with the program. Why can't Erin's hobby be like Future Daughters of the NRA or something equally right wing, like Junior Acheivement. She can pass out those bic pens to homeroom and talk about fiscal conservatism. Why did it have to die with Alex P. Keaton. Why?!?!

The only reason to watch this show is for Lucile Bluth. For her and to find out who Kelly's baby daddy is. And in that regard I'm banking on Dylan or that other lawyer dude who's name escapes me probably because I stopped watching when Kelly got shot in Hawaii on that vaycay with Brandon. It could be Brandon though. Let's not discount Brandon. Because while Dylan did sort of have a moment there with Kelly at Donna and David's wedding I, in my heart, know Dylan belongs to Brenda. He just does.

Anyway, I'll stop here. I could go over how all the songs chosen I'd already heard, or how Hannah Zuckerman Vasquez got the shaft but whatever. This post is past its prime.

Well this is annoying

2008-09-02T09:43:00.009-07:00

About two months ago a couple of non-memorable So You Think You Can Dance contestants danced to a catchy groovy hip hop song titled, "American Boy". The song is by a British artist by the name of Estelle and features some fantabulous Kayne infused rap. I liked it alot and said to myself at the time, "ohh, I need to download that". Well, up until yesterday night that task was still on my to-do list, but of course since God punishes the lazy I find out this morning that WB Music has decided to pull Estelle's only real hit from iTunes in the hope that people will buy her album. The kicker? It was literally pulled last night. And damn it if I didn't contemplate at 6:30pm, 30 minutes before the premiere of the stellar Gossip Girl mind you, to download that particular song and The Beach Boys' Pet Sounds album. (more on that in another post). Kids, this goes to show that whenever you need to do something do it. Except sex in that dangerous two week period that may or may not leave you with the title of "mommy" or "daddy".

In reality this doesn't really make a difference. If I want to find the song I'll find it for free, which I have and will post here for shits and giggles. No, I'm concerned about the tactic. Who does that in this day and age? Who removes a surefire thing in the peak of its prime? Oh wait. I know. (more on that in another post) I may be wrong here, yeah hardly, but wasn't the invention of iTunes partly as a revolution against crappy albums with only one good radio friendly song? Like, in essence holding recording artists accountable for the crap they put out? Call me concerned if that was only a trend. I don't buy full albums unless they're instant classics and those are few and far between so you befuddle me WB Music. You really do. Don't make a habit of this you hear.

In any event I have the song because I'm awesome. Enjoy

Estelle featuring Kanye West: American Boy

The Genius of Facebook

2008-08-29T12:50:00.002-07:00

So say I haven't seen you in ten years. And say neither you nor I ever really talked when we did see each other those ten long years ago. And lets say in those ten years of muteness I also forget your name but remember you wore those rocky mountain jeans that should only be worn by no one. So why should I now give a donkey's brain as to what you're up to or feel compelled to ask you to be my friend? Well, because I saw that small thumbnail size picture of you with a newborn on facebook and I thought to myself, wait...she just had a baby? And this my friends is the genius of facebook. It brings people together who had nothing in common before and most assuredly have nothing in common now except for the standard, whoa...what the ef happened to that dude mentality. The sheer novelty of the discovery is way too hard to resist.

So yeah I joined. I have no idea what applications do, or why I'm addicted to sending makeshift buttons called flairs with stupid catchphrases and young nubile actors on them just so I can add more flairs to my box, but it's an exciting time. I mean, just recently I reconnected with someone who I didn't even know existed in high school but I now know they're married, with two kids, living in the subs, still rocking the Adidas soccer sandals and they in turn know I'm still single, nerdy, and as unphotogenic as always. How awesome is that!

So here's to you genius facebook, you've made me realize that those I meant to forget really are forgettable or pregnant and those I've always admired still have something to talk about.

Cheers!

Seven Years Late to the Party

2008-08-15T07:35:00.015-07:00

This is a clandestine post. Repeat. This is a clandestine post. I'm actually at my office right now feigning smartness and workingness. I could get fired for this, if, well, people knew my name and what I actually did here. But it's all worth it to be able to say, "clandestine". And fine, I'm kinda making that up. Not the "clandestine" part, that word is how babies are made, for reals, but rather the whole name part because it is true that yesterday I got a, "Hey Hollywood, when you movin' to L.A.?". And later, from the same, tae kwon doe jedi master, or whatever he's called besides Mike, the office supply guy, "Hey Punky Brewster! Don't she look like Punky Brewster? Yeah, you're Punky with a little Evangeline, you know, that chick from Lost mixed in for hotness. Ain't dat right? You know eyez am gurl" I wish I was making this up, or that I did look like a half Punky half Evangeline mut. Either way I'm off topic.

The point of this clandestine post, however, is to comment on the lastest fandom explosion. But before I touch upon said fandom explosion I thought it would be in my readers best interest to sort of give youse guys a sprinkle of backstory as to what the fuck is going on here. So why don't you be a dear and follow me after the jump.
Hmmm...let's start with four or five months ago when I began reading the Twilight Series. Yes, yes, that one. Again. Just please..just, just,... just don't go there, ok? I have enough esplaining to do in my life as is, what with the singledom, the eating vanilla icing out of the tub, and the Venus five blade razor that I swear is giving me more leg hair, so can we simply and without getting out of hand focus here. Alright?! DON'T YOU JUDGE ME YOU!!! Breathing...Where was I? Ah yes, so I was reading the saga, mentalizing how my therapist would spin the obsession...No Monique, what we are dealing with here is an obvious attempt to forgo a real life with real relationships and goals. A fictional boy will not love you back. He can't... when I realized that I had no one to talk to about this, besides my therapist who would inevitably attempt to pry the books from my short stubby hands. I mean, not even one person of my acquiantence who would take five minutes to indulge me on how Edward's love for Bella was like a meteor in a moonless night. It was crushing to say the least so I did what any other respectable twentysomething would do, I bargained with a friend. The deal was simple. She would, under the cover of night and possibly in disguise, read the book in exchange for something else. That "something else" would be determined at a later date. I agreed on the spot without even thinking about the risks of my action. I figured, what the hell could she force me to do, go to a bar with her and discuss my social ineptidude? Oooh, scary. So in conclusion, I shook her hand and it thusly changed my life. Not a week later my friend dropped something off at my house in a plastic bag. It was colorful, heavy, and thick. It was books 1-4 of the Harry Potter Series. Checkmate, Monique, Checkmate.

I had to hand it to her, she outsmarted me fairly and squarely. She had been telling me to read these book for awhile but I had adamantly refused because I don't do books that don't involve ripped bodices or some sort of main character with slight mental retardation/drug and alcohol problem. Alas I knew this was going to be rough, especially because there are seven of them and they seemed ridiculousy long and complicated with words like "muggle", "quiddich", and "wingardium leviosa" It's levi-O-sa, not Levio-SA. Thank you Rupert Grint. Also because there are seven of them. But a deal is a deal and I don't back out on deals, which is why, coincidentally I don't make deals. Ever. Except for that one time I made a deal with my father that I would stop wearing a toe ring if he stopped insinuating that said toe ring was a gateway to drugs. Anyway, I began. And then, poof, in an instant, I was done with all 7 of them. Words can not describe my exhilaration in reading these books, nor the complete emotional rollercoaster I felt during that time. With every last page of every book, I started sweating wondering what JK would do next to shadder my poor, frail muggle heart. NOOOOO Sirius NOOOOO!!!!!...Dumbledore? Wa? Can you hear me??Dumbledore?!? Dumbeldore?!?! Wake up!! Wake up!! NOOOOOO WWWWHHHH-EYYYYYY?sob...sob..sob..Dumbledorrrreeeee!!!!!!!..*faints*...Dobby what are you doing here?...Dobby, listen to me! It's dangerous... Be careful!!....DOBBYYYY not you too!!! NOOOO!!!Tear..sob..snif...you you you...bastard JK!!!...

...A moment of silence....

Anywayz,I am happy to report that Harry, Ron, and Hermionie are now my fictional besties. YAY! Fantastic isn't it? Yes, it so is. As it was for the rest of the world, like in 2004. Apparently Severus Snape jokes are so lame now. I'm like the aunt who just got the Rachel haircut. Whatever. Also, Gary Oldman is still the hottest man alive. Done and Done.

But this again is not the point. So what is the point? The point is...you wanna guess? Ok, fine, don't be so touchy. The point is that the sixth installment of the franchise, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince was supposed to arrive in theaters November 21, 2008, but WB had other plans. Warner Bros thought to itself, "why we gonna waste deez-tentpole? (said as someone would say deez-nutz). Dark Knight essentially got us laid for da whole year so lez piss off da whole world! Yes Yes! (Don't ask me what the accent is, only my brain can do it) However, may I supplement with a translation: WB moved HP6 to July in order to ensure the bottom line for 2009. Since 2008 exceeded even its most ludicrous expectations they didn't want to waste another bonafide box office success on an already stellar year. Was that a smart move? My business background says yes, my muggle heart, however, says NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I will wait it out though and so will you.

.

OH NO THEY DIDN'T!!!!

2008-08-12T13:19:00.003-07:00

Flames...Flames...on the side of my face! I have no words. Many of you know that Clue is hands down my favorite movie of all time. I'm not kidding. Favorite song? Yeah that's a toughie, always depends on my mood, but movies, there are no doubts. And if you didn't know it was my favorite movie, well then, now you know, and knowing is half the battle. Anyway I was perusing ew.com and I came across the WORST news EVER. Well, not, not ever. This disaster in Russia is appauling, and Darfur is a mess. Plus, Katie Holmes is still parading around in those butch jeans, but this is some really shitty news. For me. Turns out Hasbro is remaking the Clue game. The game that spawned my favorite movie of all time. The game that I would still play had I not lost half the weapons and the confidential manila folder. But seriously can you believe it!!!! Yeah. I KNOW!!! I can't. Just can't. And it would be fine if it was just a redesigning of the game board. Let me state for the record that I was still adamantly opposed to the idea but I understand shoulder pads on Ms. Scarlett wouldn't seem sexy anymore. However, Hasbro hasn't just decided to re-design characters, they re-made characters. Coronel Mustard? Nope, gone. Replaced by a the "Colonel" a famous ex-football player. Yeah. I KNOW!!! The lead pipe? Finito. Replaced with three new weapons of slaughter, an axe, a trophy, and a baseball bat. Yeah. I KNOW!!! An axe? Really? Who has an effing axe just laying around. And how the hell is that supposed to fit into a little black box with light blue ribbon to be opened in the library? And finally, one now has the chance to die in the spa room, or a theater. Yeah. I KNOW!!! This is just eggregious. I feel like I should start some sort of campaign. I can't just sit here and let this happen. This is my childhood for God's sake. Who's with me!! And here is the rest of it.

Two degrees from Brangelina

2008-07-28T22:14:00.006-07:00

From the desk of Jonathan Patrick

Greetings, my fellow Totallygeektosheekers. I have a story that I thought I owuld share with you:

Yesterday, I pulled up to a red light by the Beverly Center and noticed an older man with a windbreaker waiting to cross the street. I look closer at the windbreaker and notice a patch on his shoulder in the shape of the great state of Texas. It looks as if it represents some high school. I think to myself, "Self, this guy must be a high school football coach from Texas". He definitely has that high school football look (whatever that means). I peer over to see if I can recognize which high school this dude is from. I can't tell, but I do hear the car next to me giggling. I look over and it's full of girls giggling and one has her camera out.... I look back at "coach" as he's walking in front of me and it's Jon Voight. And he's wearing his windbreaker from Varsity Blues. It says Coyotes across his back.

Go Coyotes.

Minnetonka Again?

2008-07-25T08:01:00.004-07:00

So I get a lot of spam emails from fashion websites that I peruse occasionally. Ok not occassionally, a lot, but whatever. And usually I can sort of see where the trends are hitting and then try and find my own personal way to incorporate it into my already hobo/conservative/inappropriate for my age look. But today man, I was just sort of like, oh Lord, again?!? Minnetonka's are back. They're the indian inspired mocassin version of the Ugg. A couple of years ago they were here and fierce in mocassin indian slipper form. Now however they're tall and bootlike. Listen, I don't mind repeating trends but can't we find some way for the girls down south to enjoy. Honestly pee-pol! I'll still buy then, but I don't have to like it. And here is the rest of it.

Successor to my Mormon Wonderboy

2008-06-26T23:03:00.002-07:00

Those who know me know I am not ashamed of my interests. Let's see there's the obsession with fictional couples, i.e Jim and Pam, there's the obsession with young adult novels, i.e Twilight, there's the obsession with cheesy music, i.e. You are the Music in Me, and of course there's the one acceptable obsession in my life, my baby Fitz. However there is one interest, just one, that most of my friends were unaware of. His name was Benji and he was a season 2 contestant on So You Think You Can Dance. Benji was a west coast swing dancer who stole my heart with his amazing cha-cha and pop jazz. I sense the laughter guys but hey, you know what, he was good. Great even. And he won, so there. The point is though, that my fanaticism and devotion to him was so strong at the time that I literally spent my whole night at a bar ignoring my friends dialing 1800 Tempo 06 to vote for him. I thought after him I was done. Alas I was wrong. Season 4 of So You Think You Can Dance has my fingers itching again but for who? I can't decide. Two couples have caught my eye and one boy in particular, Joshua, an 18 year old hip hop popper with braces has me excited. Excited enough to start dialing at bars? We shall see. For now I want you guys to marvel at my two favorite routines so far staring my two favorite couples: Which one do you like?

Katee & Joshua: hip hop routine to No Air by Jordan Sparks

Chelsea & Mark: hip hop routine to Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis

Difficult decision ahead, no?

We are the World: Japanese Style

2008-06-26T11:53:00.002-07:00

This post should be written by JP because he found it and then posted it on my brother's facebook but seeing as he's soooooo busy growing his beard I thought I would post it for all to enjoy. And by beard I don't mean...Oh nevermind. He likes girls. I've seen it with my own eyes. I just think it takes a particularly confident girl to adore the Magnum PI stash. You hear that JP!!! Kidding. Hearts an rainbows to you friend. Enjoy the shenanigans this weekend.

This culture takes a while to understand I imagine.

Just Because...

2008-06-11T20:55:00.001-07:00

2008-05-27T20:20:00.004-07:00

My grandmother, Dona Maymi, died recently. She was 86 years young with such an amazing sense of self. In a way she was my runner-up idol because Maymi raised Rita, my mother, and taught her to be the most wonderfully positive person. She used to tell me tons of stories about her life. Most of them detailed the funny things my mother did as a child, others belied the truths surrounding the realities of being an Ambassador's wife, and while these accounts were always wonderful to hear, one always stood out above all the rest. And it had no pomp and circumstance to it. It was the time she was single,20, and living in New York City. She had lived in a cramped apartment with four or so other girls, one, she adamantly declared never showered to her recollection. Maymi found herself as a receptionist in one of those tall New York skyline buildings. Everyday she would run downstairs and buy a sandwich form the vending machines for a nickel. "Can you believe that?!," she would say, "A Nickel!!" And that was it. That was the gist of the story, the idea that a meal back then would only cost her five cents. But of course I clung to that story for very different reasons. Because you see, in my mind that defined the woman that she was, a positive, self-assured lady who went to New York because she wanted to and ate sandwiches because she like them. To this day this is who I want to become.

The last time I saw her was five years ago but my image of her is greater than the gap. I can still picture her reading Danielle Steele with a magnifying glass, her hair perfectly coiffed, her nails red or coral perfectly manicured, and her cheeks peach by way of two perfectly round splotches applied by eyes that could barely see. Maymi was always impeccable through and through. I'm really going to miss her; her existence made the world a more optimistic place. So now, all I have left to say is, Adios tita, te quiero mucho.

Whoa...Dream Big!

2008-05-07T07:49:00.002-07:00

Ellen Page has announced her next project and it's a literary classic. Jane Eyre to be exact. That's just..I don't know. I understand the need to follow up an Oscar winning performance with some different roles to show your range but...yeah. She seems too manly? (is that the right word) too acerbic? Your thoughts?

And here is the rest of it.

My Monday Gripe

2008-04-28T09:47:00.002-07:00

I know I know. I haven't been updating as much as I normally do. Yeah, shame on me and all that good stuff. Moving on...

I feel like griping this morning. Not about anything having to do with my life, mind you, that's all good, or as good as my therapist tells me it is on a weekly basis. No, today I feel like griping about random things that I've observed over the weekend in Hollywoodland. It's all ridiculous and certainly not worth your time but humor me for a sec.

1. Why is Miley Cyrus seriously apologizing for a photo spreed in Vanity Fair shot by Anny Leibowitz? Um, hey little girl I know in backwards Arkansas or Alabama or where ever you're from the local Walmart has a photo special, 5 12x17s for the price of 15 5x7s!. And yeah I get that they even let you pick your favorite gauzy background that matches your eyes for free but this is Vanity Fair. You put out and shut up. If they want you on a donkey singing show tunes while naked like Lady Godiva you do it and you ask for a copy to frame for your parent's wall. I'm sure it'll be the only thing besides generic Z Gallery artwork anyway. You don't however, waste Annie's time and then insult her by suggesting you were manipulated into a shot that's clearly benign to begin with. Well, more benign than those assinine photos of yourself you keep putting out on myspace with your crusty boyfriend and lime green bra. So do yourself a favor. Stick to J-14. You're not wanted around the cultured.

2. Who greenlit Made of Honor? I'm serious here. Who thought it would be a good idea to essentially take My Best Friend's Wedding, switch genders, add a little hair gel to it and send it to the cinemas? Who is Patrick Dempsey's agent? Because let's get real here. Grey's is on a death spiral, Freedom Writers was the suckitude, and this poor excuse for a romantic comedy is his next Loverboy. And before you can say, what about Enchanted, that movie belonged to Amy Adams. Put James Marsden in PD's role and it would have worked just fine. McDreamy needs an intervention. Stat.

More later

And Babies Make Three....

2008-04-17T11:13:00.003-07:00

I'm going to tone down the sarcasm for this one little post because it deals with two extremely dear friends of mine who have informed me that they're pregnant. (note: I said pregnant and not preggos). Honestly I thought when this day came I'd have to start taking Xanax but to my surprise this unexpected news has brought me nothing but joy for me and downright elation for my friends. My peeps are going to be extraordinary mothers and I'll be the crazy single aunt who'll let them watch Pretty Woman at five. Can't wait!

So in closing....

Congrats besties. Life doesn't get much sweeter than this.

McLovin' Needs Our Help

2008-04-15T11:48:00.002-07:00

Every typecast actor deserves a chance, no?

Why is it that everytime I see Kristen's face my heart jumps a little?

Project Run-away?

2008-04-14T11:36:00.003-07:00

I bet you guys love my post titles don't you? C'mon, admit it, I'm clever. Whatever. On the heels of learning through people.com, my homepage, that Lifetime will now be the home of Project Runway, (another cupela bilz in the bank, no Weinstein?), I have now learned that Elle Magazine has fired Nina Garcia. Or as Heidi would say, she's been auffed. Yeah, crazy, right? So now what will the new prize be? $100,000 dollars to start your own clothing line and a fashion spread in Essence? Well, at least that's better than having no Nefarious Nina on the show though. I can't imagine not hearing Heidi yell, Neeeeena Garcia! every week. That would be tragic. But knowing that she's contract bound to the Weinsteins we know that isn't even an option. There is, however, still the question of...what did Nina do to get the boot?

Theories?

Shout Out to Nick & Norah

2008-04-10T08:28:00.002-07:00

So I'm in a book club and at our last meeting I had the luck of selecting the torn piece of receipt with the "x" on it which meant I would be selecting our next choice. The responsibility thrown upon me was awesome to say the least. Selecting a book is akin to making a playlist for a friend. You want the picks to be cultured, hip, cool, mentionable and somewhat unheard of, but then again is that really you? I mean I've got some great and unique music but at the end of the day I still like my Rihanna and OneRepublic and unfortunately those are the type of songs most would love to see an American Idol hopeful sing to them. (sidenote: vomit) So I was torn. Should I pick a book that is somewhat obscure and random; a book no one has heard much about but seems cool enough to walk through an airport with it under one's arm and not feel ashamed or should I pick what I really want to read, chick fluff. Granted chick fluff doesn't go far in a discussion but what is a book club really. Just a way for girls to gather with wine and speak about their crazy week, no?

Yeah I struggled. Deep down I wanted to pick Twilight so that I would no longer carry the squeeage burden by myself but I know I would never have the guts to do that. The book, as I've said before, is piss poor in certain aspects and it would really be a humiliating experience especially since my book club peeps are extensive readers. I went over to one of their townhouses the other night and perused their book collection and was absurdly impressed. Sadly, if one were to check my library, which I stow under my bed mind you, one would find a bunch of old Us Weekly's and a regency romance my mother bought me for a dollar at our church's annual book fair. Therefore I knew I had to select a winner, but a winner in what? Entertainment value, stirring up thought provoking issues, taking one away to a fantasty land, getting lost in Thailand or Bangladore with no money to the character's name and so is sold into prostitution thus setting forth a race pulsing quest to find love? I was lost.

So I decided to go to the internets to pick something guud. A certain website, caught my eye with their list of The Top 50 Books Turned Movies We're Dying To See. As a lover of cinema I knew this is where I'd find my selection. And I did. But not before finding a little gem called, Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist. I'm going to spare you the reasons why I didn't pick the book for the book club but I will say I'm in love with this little novelette.

The story revolves around Nick and Norah, two high school seniors, who meet one night at a club quite randomly and how their relationship evolves throughout the evening. I know what you're thinking, Before Sunrise, anyone?, but no. Not even close. Each chapter is told alternately by Nick and Norah and it's fantastic because while they can't read what the other is thinking, the audience can. What I found most inspiring though, is that there are two authors, David Levithan and Rachel Cohn, Nick and Norah respectively, and whether intentional or not, their style of writing while not identical fits together harmoniously just like one assumes the two characters do.

But of course let's get real. I'm a girl, and it's a quasi love story and they mention pop culutre staples like My So-Called Life and musical acts like The Cure so yay!

Here's a synopsis for those assuming my description is paltry at best:

It all starts when Nick asks Norah to be his girlfriend for five minutes. He only needs five minutes to avoid his ex-girlfriend, who’s just walked in to his band’s show. With a new guy. And then, with one kiss, Nick and Norah are off on an adventure set against the backdrop of New York City—and smack in the middle of all the joy, anxiety, confusion, and excitement of a first date

side: They just wrapped production on the film starring Michael Cera as Nick and Kat Dennings as Norah.

Check it out.

Monday Freebee

2008-03-16T20:03:00.002-07:00

Since I've already uploaded the tune for my roomie I thought I'd also share it with my internets peeps. I give you Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova doing a cover of Van Morrison's Into the Mystic. No body does harmony like these two, well except for The Beach Boys. Enjoy!

HERE

Speaking of Remakes....

2008-03-13T06:46:00.004-07:00

Here we go again. Another, and this time a classic television show, is getting the revamp. When I say it's classic. It is. But not for the baby boomers. Oh no. This show was classic to us, the kids of the 80's and 90's. In fact, I recall a time where I threw caution to the wind and screwed studying for finals because I needed to know....Will Donna Martin graduate?. Yep. 90210 is getting the rehaul on the CW. Now, had I not known the extra tidbit as to who's vision it is I would scream bloody murder. I mean Jen was watching a re-run on the Soap Network on Monday and it was perfectly preserved. However, I think this dude can make it better. Yes I said it. BETTER. Why? Because he brought us this:

"I thought our story was epic, you know? You and me...Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed. Epic."

Ah hah. Mr. Rob Thomas himself. The mastermind behind the greatest television show ever, Veronica Mars. No exaggeration.I said EVER. Well except for part of the third season but I always felt that was more the CW pushing its Pussycat Doll aesthetic Regardless this is worth the risk in my opinion. Let's just hope Teddy Dunn, aka Duncan, is locked in a closet somewhere and can't audition. Thoughts?

Worst Idea Possibly Ever

2008-03-06T07:22:00.004-08:00

The Guardian is reporting that a remake is in the pipeline. Now the term "remake" isn't necessarily a bad term. As you well know I'm a pretty sizable fan of a certain television show remake. Come to think of it that 2005 Pride and Prejudice wasn't too shabby either. But of course for every Harrison Ford's Sabrina (which I thoroughly enjoyed) there is a Blonde Ambition, the Jessica Stinkson's version of Working Girl which incidentally also starred Harrison Ford..... so catch 22. (tee!)

This remake however could presumably blow the worst of the worst remakes out of the water. Yeah. Heavy. And I mean it. The movie in question is so iconic, so classic, and so still enjoyed by every new generation that reaches their teen angst years that it boggles the mind why Hollywood would even think this is a good idea. Granted, I know this is the same Hollywood who greenlit movies such as Cabin Boy and Ishtar but still. I'm insulted and disgusted. You should be too. That is of course if you knew to which awesome movie I'm referring to. To give you a little excitement in your day I'll reveal it after the jump.

Ladies and Gentlemen the movie in question is none other than....

The Breakfast Club. And No. I'm not shite-ing you.

Apparently instead of high school kiddos it'll be twenty somethings stuck in O'Hare airport. Are you cringing yet? Oh it gets worse. The script written by Blue Crush screenwriter, Lizzy Weis will be directed by get this, a first time director who's previous credit is producing the reality show, Who Wants to Be the Next Pussy Cat Doll. The film is titled Bumped.

Let's hope this film gets "bumped" from the shooting schedule. Bahdump bump.

Holy Hell! The Chosen One in Texas!

2008-02-27T11:30:00.003-08:00

Word on the street is that Brad, Angelina, and the kiddies, including their in utero child, aka, " The Second Coming" are in Austin Texas for a film shoot. Brad is replacing Heath Ledger in a Terrence Malick film co-starring Sean Penn called Tree of Life. You know what this means, right? Road Trip! Kidding. I wouldn't stoop that low. Ok I would but only if I were guaranteed to spot them which I'm not. It's fine, though. I don't know a celebrity who hasn't fallen in love with the city anyway. $20 bucks say they decide to purchase a home in the rolling hills. It'll be their rainy day villa. Just imagining them sitting at Hula Hut gives me chills.
I need to relocate.

Hook 'Em Shiloh. Hook 'Em.

Oscar Night Roundup

2008-02-25T10:25:00.005-08:00

What a night, what a night. The beautiful Marion! The effortless Daniel Day! The I wouldn't want to meet you in a dark alley although I find you unconventionally handsome Javier! The manish, why don't you wear any make-up don't you realize it's the Oscar's slash don't get me started on the garbage sac of a dress Tilda! The your dress slit is way too high but I forgive you because at one point in your life you were an exotic dancer so you probably don't know any better Diablo! And of course, my jump up and down moment, the melodic but still man! she's only 19 and your what? 42? so I don't believe your romantic relationship is age appropriate I don't care how mature she appears Glen and Marketa! I think for the first time ever I actually felt the Academy got it right all around. Well, almost. No Country for Old Men, the big winner, I could have done without. I was a Michael Clayton fan going in. I knew it had no chance of winning but I still dared to dream. The same dream I imagined the Crash peeps felt two years ago when they pulled an upset.

Either way, I was very satisfied.TWSS. Jon Stewart was funny in a non-I'm the star of the show kind of way, (Chris Rock I'm looking at YOU!). I think he gained some extra cool points when he let Marketa come back to finish her speech. Classy. Classy.

Now that the great parts are out of the way, let's talk negatively now, shall we? Where the EF! was Brad Renfro in the "In Memorium" montage? They had like 8 agents and studio execs up there but no Brad? That was wrong. And along the same lines of zero or little recognition, who decides who gets to sit in the front row? I noticed Forrest Whittaker and his wife was front and center while Marion Cotillard languished with a side view? Come to think of it, Daniel Day also had a sideish view too. Serious faux paux. Forrest, your year was last year, friendo. Same thing, Helen. May I remind you that currently your starring in National Treasure 2. In my opinion all lead actor and actresses should get front and center. It's only fair, right? And Jack, while you're a legend a.) Your future isn't that bright, your past was, so take off the shades and b.) Did you really drag your ass out to introduce a montage of past Oscar winning films? I thought you were more awesome than that.

Finally, who invited Gary Busey? Did you see how he accosted Jennifer Garner on the red carpet? That was some freaky sh&%. I thought he was playing a character on Entourage, but now...not so sure. Additional random invitees include, Seal and Heidi Klum, tax-evader Wesley Snipes, Spike Lee, and Mylie Cyrus. Mylie, honey, stop posting random pics of yourself taken with your iPhone on the internets. It's disturbing. Geez...where are all the real hollywood starlets when you need them. Oh yeah, rehab.

What about you? What did you like and not like? Comment below.

And here is the rest of it.

The Beatles' Reach is Far

2008-02-20T17:04:00.002-08:00

I want this kid to play at my birthday party....in his diapers

I bet John, Paul, George, and Ringo never imagined their music would literally transcend every age.

Valentine's Schmalentine's

2008-02-14T08:03:00.007-08:00

On this day, the 14th of February many a girl is waiting anxiously for their floral arrangements, chocolates, and Zales Jewelry. I personally am waiting for lunch so that I can eat the perfect chocolate covered strawberry given to me by my mother. Yes, you read right, my mother. Listen, I'm not here to lie, folks. So what if my V-Day kisses came from my dog and my chocolates from my mom. It all comes from love anyway. So while for the most part people will focus on the romantic aspect of Valentines I choose to celebrate the other kinds of love. So hoorah to my friends, my family, and my dog. I love you all...Ok, some more than others but still. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

*Here's Some Free Songs to Get your "Loveable" Day Going:

1. Love Today: Mika
2. God Only Knows: Beach Boys
3. I've Got You Under My Skin: Frank Sinatra
4. Just Like Heaven: The Cure
5. I've Just Seen a Face: The Beatles

*Sidenote: I'm in the process of unlocking my songs from Itunes. As the arduous task completes I'll be able to upload many more songs from my library. Stay tuned. Literally.

15 Worst Lines in a Movie

2008-01-31T10:25:00.000-08:00

I've said it all along and now finally someone agrees with me. EW has released their pick for the top 15 worst lines uttered in a movie. All of them are winners, or should I say "losers" but one of them in particular is literally the WORST EVER. Period, end of sentence. And I've always said it. It's bad not only in its delivery, but also in its randomness, its context in relation to the scene, and its sheer stupidity. Can you guess to which line I'm referring to of the 15? Baron, you should know it. So should you, Ashley. Here's a hint, it's not the Ever After phrase. I actually believe their EA pick paled in comparison to when Drew Barrymore breathed "I Shall Try" in one of the bazillion crappy scenes from that flick. Awful.

Click on the image to get to the list

I Feel Like a Failure and So Should You

2008-01-31T08:30:00.000-08:00

Are you kidding me!

Yeah she's going to be real popular in high school

F.Y.I.

2008-01-31T08:09:00.000-08:00

I knew I wasn't the only one questioning the validity of the Oscar Nomination for "Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. The New York Times picked up the story and after an investigation by The Academy the nomination stands.

Full article here: Once Again, a Legit Nominee

Now that that's cleared up who's anxiously awaiting their performance and subsequent win? Me! Me! Me!

Flight to the Comcast

2008-01-30T11:32:00.000-08:00

While anxiously awaiting the new season of Flight of the Conchords I stumbled across this video of Brett and Jermaine at a Comcast function. They sing "Business Time" but I was laughing more at their intro. Enjoy!

MGMT: TIme to Pretend

2008-01-29T07:37:00.000-08:00

I can't take credit for finding this video, that goes to Pop Watch. But I can take credit for downloading these spunky teens about three weeks ago. I have no idea who the ef they are or why they look like African tribal men on the cover of their album. And I'm not even going to comment on the random chicks and their Blue Lagoon ensembles. That's just creepy. All I can really say is that the song weirdly displayed in this video is catchy and I play it on my Itouch often. I get a newer bolder and white Xris Xross-esque vibe with these two, you?

Already a Winner

2008-01-28T15:10:00.000-08:00

First promo shot from the movie Step Brothers starring Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly. The story revolves around two men in their late 30's (Ferrell & Reilly) who have to learn to live like step brothers in one home when their respective single parents marry. Can't wait!

Seth McFarlane's take on the WGA/AMPTP Negotiations

2008-01-28T12:23:00.001-08:00

I know I haven't really posted anything on the strike recently but after that late Nov. meeting between the two parties that went absolutely nowhere I kinda gave up hope. Good news is that apparently the informal talks are going so well we may just get our writers back to work before the end of the season. Here's hoping. In the meantime I thought I'd share Seth McFarlane's take on the negotiations. For those who don't know who Seth is, he is the creator of the Family Guy, one of the funniest shows on television. I've got to say that this video is 10 kinds of funny with some expletives so be warned. And if you think you recognize one of the actors, you do. It's Josh Radnor from How I Met Your Mother. Enjoy!

Doesn't Make Sense

2008-01-24T07:59:00.000-08:00

So I spared everyone my Oscar nominations post because this years nominees weren't really that exciting in my opinion. And to tell you the truth I see very little surprises at the actual ceremony either (that is if we get an Oscar's telecast and not some lame Mary Hart unveiling) ; there is a lock in every category in my opinion. But that's neither here nor there. My only real WTF? moment came at the announcement of Original Score and Original Song. In the former category Jonny Greenwood, a Radiohead member, was excluded for his chilling score to There Will Be Blood, and then Golden Globe winner Eddie Vedder was shut out in both Original Score and Original Song for his soundtrack to Into The Wild. Wa? It didn't make sense to me. Apparently it didn't make sense to EW Pop Watch either who blogged about it until she actually looked up the Oscar rules:

scores cannot be "diluted by the use of tracked themes or other pre-existing music."

So basically because there are some material that isn't new the whole thing goes to Hell. That sucks, especially when you hear the score to There Will Be Blood. Even if it was only 2 minutes of original score, it's like nothing I've ever heard before.

And then this begs the question, how did "Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova from Once get a nom if that song was on two previous albums, The Swell Season, and another Frames album before the movie was made? Don't get me wrong I salivate at the chance of seeing them perform that melody live come Oscar night but still. I don't get it. I remember discussing this very subject with my roomie. She asked if I thought a song from Once would get a nomination. I, assuming all songs must be original material for a film, said only the song, "Once" could qualify. Guess I was wrong.

Can someone explain this to me? Kthanks!

R.I.P. Heath Ledger

2008-01-22T14:28:00.000-08:00

At first I figured I wouldn't post about his death because a.) It's depressing and b.) I don't have much to say on the subject. But I guess in the end I realized even if I didn't have anything to say I should at least respect the talent we lost. Man. Too young, too soon. My condolences to the family, especially his daughter, Matilda.

This One's for You X-Woman

2008-01-22T10:48:00.000-08:00

"Anyone Else But You" by The Moldy Peaches from the Juno Soundtrack

The Opposite of the Opposite of Possible is Still Possible

2008-01-18T12:41:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to post this video for quite some time but in the holiday splendor I forgot. Two days ago Ellen Page, Jennifer Garner, and Diablo Cody from Juno were on Oprah and the whole time I kept asking, where's Michael Cera? Yeah he practically wears the same outfit through out the whole movie but his performance was quality. And he was in another little comedy called Superbad too. See that one Oprah? In any event, to honor the man boy I bring you one of his greatest performances to date. Now before you see it you need to understand what he's talking about. So I recommend you start with this video first.

Now note. This video is real. He actually created this video as his personal resume and sent it to various companies in NYC.

And now to Michael's spoof:

Best Use of a Song in an Opening Credit Sequence

2008-01-17T17:59:00.000-08:00

While I was walking Fitz this afternoon, my Ipod Touch sang a classic 80's song to me. Honestly, every time I hear it I automatically picture the opening credits to one of the most mind-effing movies of all time. When I got home I did a little youtube search and found the sequence. After watching it a couple of times now I've decided that there is NO better use of a song in the *opening minutes of a movie ever. Not only that, but I believe it's also one of the greatest movie sequences ever. It's just so sinisterly awesome. Do you agree?

Movie: Donnie Darko
Song: "Head over Heels" by Tears for Fears

* I must note that it technically isn't the opening minutes of the movie, but it is the first time we see the secondary characters

This Kid Really Likes His Glasses

2008-01-16T21:52:00.000-08:00

From the desk of Jonathan Patrick

Alas, my writers' guild-starved television viewers! I have found yet another masterful piece of reality TV! This one is from the original reality tv: the news. It's an interview of some teenaged, frat-star-to-be after throwing a party in the land of down under:

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Arcade Fire on Fire

2008-01-11T09:17:00.000-08:00

Rebellion (Lies) by Arcade Fire has to be one of my favorite songs of all-time. Like all-time. And on their second album, Neon Bible, they've added yet another track that in my opinion might climb up the ranks to become all-time. No, it's not No Cars Go, but rather, Keep the Car Running. Very reminiscent of Bruce for sure, but still brilliant. Check out their performance on the Jonathan Ross show. If they haven't converted you yet, this spectacle will. For your viewing pleasure, Arcade Fire:

Bonus: For the one person that doesn't own my favorite, here's Rebellion (Lies). Revel in it's marvelousness.

Rebellion (Lies)

Reviewed and/or Abused: Atonement

2008-01-07T10:35:00.000-08:00

My last free day of vacation my mother, sister, and I decided to see a movie of light fare that would allow us to begin the upcoming work and school week in hope and happiness. So we saw Atonement, one of the most effing confusing and depressing films of the holiday season. Yeah I know this film was not marketed nor conceived as a family oriented fun times flick but man, did they have to take my already fragile heart and pierce it ruthlessly with a solitary tear shed by James McAvoy? More Review After the Jump!

Don't get me wrong, the movie is great in certain respects, i.e. the acting is superb, the score impeccable going so far as to include the sound of typewriting in its melody, and the story itself is fantastic. How could it not be though, right? The book, written by Ian McEwan is heralded as one of the 100 greatest books of all time by Time Magazine. Plus there was this four minute sequence shot with one frame that puts you in the middle of the Dunkirk Evacuation that was powerful. Joe Wright, who also directed Pride and Prejudice, has a wonderful knack of making the audience feel as if they are right in the thick of it which is the mark of a brilliant director, no?

However there is something in my mind that stops this movie from becoming a future DVD of my collection. And that stoppage is the characterization of Briony Tallis. First I must preface that I've never read the book therefore I must tread lightly here, but from what I have understood from researching the story, the main character, Briony, starts off as this little 13 year old girl who witnesses something she doesn't understand and therefore makes a huge error, and in consequence ruins the lives of the two lovers played by Keira Knightly and James McAvoy. Now the title of the movie leads one to believe that the rest of her life is spent attempting to atone for the fatal mistake she made long ago. And in fact certain decisions of hers would lend itself to this theory, yet I didn't feel that she atoned or wanted too. I left the theatre wondering if she really understood what she did and whether she explored the real motivations for inventing the atrocious farce in the first place. So in essence something that was supposed to be the bread and butter of the movie, i.e. her wising up to her actions just wasn't there for me. Granted the story unfolds in a very convoluted way with a quasi shocking ending (if you haven't read the book of course) which could exacerbate my misunderstanding of Briony's real emotion throughout the film but still. If I have to go to message boards and wikipedia to figure it out then it wasn't really convincing was it?

Perhaps, though, that's the point. The lines of reality and fiction are blurred to us just as it was in Broiny's head. Therefore what one thinks is a romantic drama is in essence a morality tale showcasing the dangers of mixing fact with fiction. Either way the movie destroyed me. Mostly because James McAvoy's interpretation of a tortured soul is out of this world. Also because he had the one sole tear sliding down the face moment. Those kill me.

So go see it if you want to further discuss it with me, but trust when I say my mother and sister left saying, wha?

Ladies and Gentleman I Present to You....

2008-01-07T07:16:00.000-08:00

For those of you that don't know I received an enormous surprise on Dec. 19th. The kind of surprise that makes you shriek and squeal and tinkle just a little in your pants. It was the early Christmas present from my parents and boy was it a doozy. I frankly never thought in my wildest dreams my parents would actually agree to buy me this wonderful treat but color me happy when they did. So without further adieu I present to you.....

Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy, aka "Fitz"

Is he a handful? Absofruitly! Did I want to return him out of sheer panic 30 minutes after I got him, and then every hour on the hour for the next 24 hours? Of Course! But I stuck with it and now he is curled up on my lap as I type this post. He still has a long way to go before he reaches obedience perfection but I will say he's a keeper.

More pictures of Fitz after ther jump!

*Thanks Paige for the pics!

Gladiators....ready!

2008-01-06T15:42:00.002-08:00

From the desk of Jonathan Patrick, Internet Provocateur

A lot has been made on this blog about the Writers' Guild and their strike and its effect on television. I am here to show the silver lining of it all. For me, the glass is half-full. With the writers on strike, that means the most anticipated show in the history of TV: American Gladiators.

It kicks off anew today at 9pm EST with a two hour premiere and then will continue on Mondays. Before I show some clips for the new show, it's only fitting that I pay homage to the original American Gladiator show.

One of my favorite scenes:

Looks like the new show will be keeping most of the old events. One of which is the Assault. This is the one where the gladiator tries to hit the contestant with a tennis-ball gun while the contestant tries to hit a target above the gladiator with various guns/toys. In the old show, if you hit the target, smoke would shoot up over the gladiator. The new show does this too. In addition, it launches the gladiator 50 feet through the air into a pool.

Please enjoy:

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In the words of everybody's favorite child of Mother Nature, the cosmic ray gathering Malibu, "Sweet!"

Happy New Year Devoted Readers!

2007-12-31T07:45:00.000-08:00

I know it's been awhile since I've posted. In fact I believe this is the longest hiatus to date, and during a holiday no less. But never fear, I'm coming strong in the future (That's What She Said). But until then, loyal fans, have a Happy New Year. Enjoy the festivities, sing that random Auld Lang Syne song, and start making those resolutions that will be put onto paper tomorrow morning never to be remembered again.

Ciao friends till 2008.

Feliz Navidad

2007-12-25T08:37:00.000-08:00

Wishing you and yours a splendid Christmas day. I hope everyone received fabulous presents. I know I did.

Peace in the Middle East

Trivia Tuesday at The Harp

2007-12-19T08:50:00.000-08:00

A friend of a friend introduced me to Trivia Tuesday at the bar, The Harp, and last night, my team, Nacho Winna, competed for the title of Trivia Tuesday Winner for the Week of Dec. 18th. We lost, but we were only 1 point behind the lead scorer for most of the competition. That is until the final round. Starting with question 27 we got spanked, and it wasn't enjoyable, not this time anyway. So for all those bored at work today I'm going to post some of the questions both easy and hard that I remember from Trivia Tuesday. You can post your answers in the comment section or email me. Get most of them right and you just might be recruited.

Questions after the jump

1. Who shot Mr. Burns in the special Simpson's episode?
2. Name the perfume that was developed and released in 1921?
3. Which country uses up the most nuclear energy?
4. George Harrison's song, "My Sweet Lord", supposedly plagerized what famous pop song?
5. Which movie broke Dec. box office records with its release this past weekend?
6. Name the location of the first little league championship game?
7. Two-Part Question: There is only one painting from an American painter in the Lourve. Name the actual title of the piece, and what it's most commonly referred to as
8. Two-Part Question: Name the only two presidents to have refused a salary during their tenure in the White House.
9. Who was Time Magazine's Person of the Century?
10. Before 1835 ballerina's used what type of shoes to dance in?
11. Name the California tourist attraction that has surpassed Disneyland as the most visited location in California?
12. What was significant of Ms. Margaret Hughes interpretation of Othello's Desdemona in England?
13. Why did Herbert Hoover frequently visit the Belgium embassy?
14. What was Warren G. Harden's middle name?
15. What crayon color gets used up first in a crayola box? (this color can be found in the 8 pack)
16. Which card carrying club boasts the highest membership in the US?
17. Which play did Aristotle deem the perfect tragedy?
18. Two-Part Question: Harold Courlander successfully won a lawsuit against a certain author for plageriarism of his book The African. Name the author and the book that plagerized The African.
19. 25% of mammals are what? (There are over 900 species of these)
20. Name the playwright who wrote Shakespeare in Love?
21. 5 part question: According to the Nuclear Non Proliferation Treaty (NNPT), which 5 countries are allowed to hold nuclear weapons?
22. The Treaty of Versailles of 1783 ended what war?
23. The number sequence of 9, 12, 5, 20 is used by what?
24. Sit and Smile is a brand of what?
25. What is the name of the full moon near the autumnal equinox?
26. The late comedy actor Jon Sandford is better known as?

Bonus Round (Christmas Edition)
1. American children receive presents from Santa Claus. British children receive presents from whom?
2. What did True Love give to his beloved on the 6th day of Christmas?
3. How many reindeer does Santa need to pull his sleigh (including Rudolf)
4. Nestor, the Christmas donkey has a large what?
5. In A Christmas Story what does Ralphie's super secret decoder ring tell him to drink?

Good luck!

The Spears Conspiracy

2007-12-19T07:41:00.000-08:00

I refuse to believe this is all happenstance. Refuse. So this morning I turned on my computer, clicked the Safari icon on the bottom of my Mac (and spare me the Firefox is better mumbo-jumbo, I'm too indignant to argue right now), and up popped my home page, www.people.com, (also spare me the WTF? People is your home page shpeal). Right there, the first headline I read for the day in bold letters says "Jamie Lynn Spears, 16, is Pregnant". Cue: Are you Effing kidding me!?!?! Words like flabbergasted, perturbed and annoyed pretty much cover the emotion I felt at that instant. Yeah, it's true that she's no sister or relative of mine, nor is she a celebrity I have ever talked about, thought about, or even remembered existed...well, unless there is a paparazzi shot of her at a Starbucks with her deranged older sister, who coincidentally at that moment was probably barefoot, in cut-offs, holding her child with rotten teeth in one hand and a cig/venti Mocca Frappachino with extra whip combo in the other floating around on the celebrity blog sites I visit.

So why does this news upset me so? Well first off, she, on the surface, looked normal. Eh, ok, not so true. She did and possible still does sport the, blonde on top, black underneath hair look that's definitely not a style winner. But besides that, I thought that she would escape the chicken friedness of it all. You know what I'm talking about right? The idea that after looking at it and by chance smelling it you have to wash your hands. That's Britney in a nutshell so I figured the younger sister would learn from the elders mistakes. But it ain't so. Oh, how it ain't so. Now the world has to deal with 3 Spears in the world in the span of 3 years. 3 Spears who's family gene pool, according to Us Weekly, includes a suicider, a wife beater, a substance abuser, and Britney. Tragic. And this in a world that only has one Clinton, one (biological) Jolie-Pitt, two Gates, and two sons of WIndsor. Which begs the question, what are these crazy loco Spears up to? Don't think for one second I don't smell a conspiracy. Is Vladimir Putin behind this? Did he pay for their impregnation and subsequent dumbing down of our Nation through their birth to bring Russia back as a formidable enemy?

You tell me.

What's on My Christmas List this Year?

2007-12-16T08:44:00.000-08:00

My parents are befuddled as to what to get me for Christmas this year. Yes I know I'm 27 but lists are still important and utilized in my household. Since the annual familial December getaway was sidelined I figured this year is the year to get the big, and I mean THE BIG ticket items. You know what they say, right? Trips to Spain or El Salvador, or wherever my mother chooses to travel for the Holidays may come and go, but a 32" inch 1080p Sony flatscreen lasts a lifetime... well, actually, with my sad pathetic excuse for luck only until the warranty expires. In any event, the sky is the limit this time round folks so join me as I embark on a making my annual last minute, poorly thought out and executed but fun to make Christmas list:

List after the jump! (Mom, this means click on the link that says "More After The Jump)

To make the compilation a bit easier I'm going to split my desires in key categories, starting with:

THE STRETCHING IT SECTION

32" Class BRAVIA® XBR-series LCD Flat Panel HDTV: I'm literally salivating thinking about it.

Blu-Ray DVD Player: Yes there is a difference between Blu-Ray and HD-DVD. I, however, have made my decision

PhotoShop CS3: I have Photoshop Elements 4.0, but my creative juices are stymied with that one. I need to expand my horizons.

Goyard shopping tote: I've wanted one for years. One can only get them at Barney's New York stores. *cough*there's-one-in-LA-*cough*. I know they are pricey little suckers but heck this is my "Stretching It" Section. Preferred colors: Green, White, Red, or Brown.

THE MORE PLAUSIBLE SECTION

ginette_ny Tube Necklace: small, tasteful, and classic. Was there any doubt?

Foley + Corinna Mini City Tote. I love this bag berry much. In fact I love a lot of bags but this is one I don't feel guilty hauling around. (also available at shopbop.com)

puppy: Just look at that face. Seriously, how can one resist. As an equal opportunity owner I am open to many breeds.

replacement sunglasses: My Tom Ford's broke and while I got credit back for them, there is a void that needs to be filled.

J Crew: Have you seen their catalogue lately? I want every shoe, sweater, purse, scarf, coat, in that damn thing. If seriously considering this option come find me as I have post its on my favorites.

THE SISTER AFFORDABLE SECTION

Once on DVD: One of the most memorable movies of the year for me.

Some suggest gift cards are impersonal but I say Itunes gift cards come from the heart, especially for this music lover who just got a Itouch.

I Love Jim T-shirt: I have the mug so I need the shirt to complete the look. Plus if I can't have Jim, I'll have his image emblazoned on my chest. Weird? Yep.

This completes my random and extremely unhelpful guide as to what I'd like for Christmas. You want to know the truth of the matter, though? I honestly don't need anything. I've been uber blessed in my life with such a wonderful family, fabulous friends, health insurance, and a little dog too. So while opening presents on Christmas day will be fun and all, I'll be more excited to be in my house laughing, hugging, complaining, fighting, disowning then reowning my fam. Cause really, there is no present better than that.

Sunday Special with a Cherry on Top

2007-12-16T08:09:00.000-08:00

For your downloading pleasure:

Landon Pigg: "Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop"

Use the song wisely boys and girls.

What's Your Christmas Wish?

2007-12-14T07:56:00.000-08:00

My wish can be summed up as follows:

'A Holiday Wish', by Steve Martin

tee hee hee!

Speaking of GOB

2007-12-13T09:54:00.000-08:00

Will Arnett was cast as the voice of KITT. As in yes they want to remake Knight Rider into a 2 hour TV movie which could, if ratings are good, become a revamped series. Yeah, I don't get it either but whatevs. Rumors abounded that KITT would be voiced by Rainn Wilson, but I guess not. Either way, KITT's going to be beyond awesome now. Fingers crossed.

C'est Possible?

2007-12-11T09:28:00.000-08:00

I think I'm literally in love with a song. Like I want to marry it and have musical note babies with it. Honestly the track is so simple yet beautiful, and yes, very chick. But that will not deter me from talking about its graces. Boys, play this for your girlfriends and wives, or the girl you crush on, you'll definitely get lucky. Trust.

Landon Pigg: "Falling in Love in a Coffee Shop"

Time For An Important Message

2007-12-11T08:04:00.000-08:00

Be Safe. Innoculate.

Hip, Hip Hooray It's Christmas Vacation

2007-12-07T08:46:00.000-08:00

TBS rebroadcast one of my favorite holiday classics, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, last night and I've gotta say, this baby is like a fine wine that just gets better with time. And I just noticed something random last night. Do you realize that the children are played by different actors in every installment? Rusty has been played, most famously by Anthony Michael Hall (original), but also Johnny Galecki (Christmas Vacation) of Rosanne and The Big Bang Theory, and Ethan Embry (Vegas Vacation) of Brotherhood,Can't Hardly Wait, and Dutch. Wait, you remember Dutch, right? With Ed O'Neil and the dog? No? Whatever. I was young and impressionable then. Anyway, back to Rustys' there was also that other one from European Vacation, whom I can only image is out of the business. Or at least I hope he is. For his sake. The whole exercise reminds me of The Office when Michael brought back two completely different Asian girls from Benihanas. Then he had to mark one of them. The tears of laughter still come out with that scene. Good Times.

In any event, Christmas Vacation is a staple of mine. That and A Christmas Story. So to celebrate such a crowning achievement of Holiday Splendor, I give you one of my favorite scenes. Enjoy!:

Happy Birthday Mom!

2007-12-05T10:11:00.001-08:00

My mother doesn't actually read my blog. Tis true. She's too busy you know, working full time as an entrepreneur and a mother, and as my therapist. Plus she doesn't like to hear my random ramblings. It causes her migraines apparently...and possibly ulcers. Either way, Happy Birthday Rita. You're the best.

Juno of a Better Way to Spend an Evening?

2007-12-05T07:31:00.000-08:00

Last night I had the privilege of attending a free screening of the new Jason Reitman film, Juno, at the Angelika. The film will not arrive in our neighborhood until Dec. 21st so I definitely wanted to take advantage of this lovely event. The movie is about a precocious 16 year old named Juno McGuff who gets pregnant by her friend, George Michael, Pauly Bleeker, and all the sweet hilarity and touching drama that ensues as her pregnancy advances. Now I had really high expectations for the film since it was written by the extraordinary Diablo Cody and starred both Michael Cera and Jason Bateman. Fortunately this film WAY exceeded my expectations. More After the jump!

Without going into details about the film...and trust me, you don't want me to ruin anything...I will say that in a world where there have been hundreds of thousands of movies covering practically every topic and every quandry with all the facets of the human emotion, this film manages to provide a fresh, unique, and irresistible voice. Every word uttered by Juno is a true winner. So much so, that I wished more than anything that my theatre seat had a Tivo remote control to rewind and replay. Ellen Page, the actress who plays Juno owned the role, just as the role of Vivian was owned by Julia Roberts, and the role of Sid Vicious was owned by Gary Oldman. She was the perfect Juno. In fact, while I single Ellen out, I should give props to Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman, Allison Janney, J.K Simmons, and of course my new boy crush, Michael Cera. All of them gave the sweetly sarcastic words of Diablo Cody warmth and a lot of heart.

I was afraid that the film would be more of a cautionary tale against teen pregnancy but I'll be darned if I didn't end up feeling that the pregnancy was just an excuse or a backdrop to allow Juno to talk about heartburn and fecal schedules all while discovering Sonic Youth's cover of the Carpenters. It was brilliant indeed. The film takes something as serious as unwanted pregnancy and gives it an "Oh well, what's for dinner?" approach. And that is why I fell in love with it.

So do I recommend the film? You bet your $10 dollar movie ticket on it. Check it out, Dec 5th for some, Dec. 21st for most.

Oprah and her Minions

2007-12-02T21:47:00.000-08:00

From the desk of Jonathan Patrick, Internet Provocateur

Greetings, Geek to Sheekers of the Blogosphere! Gather round the campfire, as I have a story to share with you. Over Thanksgiving, I was at home and my sister and mother forced me (at gunpoint) to watch two episodes of Oprah.

Patrick family photograph, circa Thanksgiving 2007

One episode was the Hannah Montana episode. The other - Oprah's Favorite Things episode. Don't worry, I'm not going to bore you with the actual content of these shows. I did find some humor in the similarity between the two audiences.

At first glance, you'd think these shows would be polar opposites in terms of the type of studio audience they would draw (young girls for Hannah Montana, old witches for Oprah's Favorite Things). This is not the case. Young girls? Old witches? They're all the same once you put them under Oprah's spell. Luckily, I had pen and paper handy as I was able to jot down the following scripts from the two shows. They're almost identical:

Oprah: Welcome to my [Hannah Montana/Favorite Things] episode!

Audience [Young Girls/Old Witches]: a combination of wild screaming, crying, violent gyrations of the body and scattered "Praise be to Jeebus!"

- The Crazy Scale registers a 10 out of a 10 -

Oprah: I'm glad you could make it.

Audience [Young Girls/Old Witches]: a combination of wild screaming, crying, violent gyrations of the body and scattered "Praise be to Jeebus!"

- The Crazy Scale ratchets it up just a bit more -

Oprah: Now, just for you, my studio audience [live performance by Hannah Montana/a free mixmaster]!!!!

Audience [Young Girls/Old Witches]: a combination of wild screaming, crying, violent gyrations of the body and scattered "Praise be to Jeebus!"

- The Crazy Scale is broken. The place is going bonkers. -
This of course means two things: 1) receiving a mixmaster later in life is the equivalent of meeting your hero (sign me up for a mixmaster) or 2) meeting your hero is the childhood equivalent of getting a mixmaster (pretty depressing).

Mickey Teach Me Your Ways

2007-11-29T22:36:00.000-08:00

On our first full day in Los Angeles my sister got the chance to decide what the agenda would entail. She had one word for us: Disneyland. So we took I-10 to 5 or something and made our way to Anaheim, California to visit, what some suggest is the happiest place on Earth. Well, technically that would be Disney World what with the delightful Epcot Center, and MGM Studios. So perhaps "Earth" is a misnomer. Perhaps it would be better to state that Disneyland is the happiest place on the California coast. Yep, that seems about right. Point is that we spent a fun filled day and night riding the rides and enjoying the fireworks. While waiting in those seemingly short but actually sneakily long lines (Sure it says only 30 minutes for the Peter Pan ride, but I didn't realize that 30 minutes starts when the winding line reaches the ramp up to the ships and not at the actual sign. And 30 minutes doesn't account for Manuelito's cousin Jose and his mother, father, uncle, grandmother, and second cousin Maria Conchita Selena cutting in either) my brother and I discussed the cash cow Walt Disney has created in his theme parks. Our discussion after the jump

Truth is I don't know a better well oiled machine than the magic of Disney. While my brother went ahead and ordered our hamburgers from the Enchanting $15 dollar Burger Bungalow in Fantasyland, my duty was to get seating. Now seating is tricky. Oh and I actually ordered a veggie burger that tasted like mung beans, but that's neither here nor there. Thing is one has to walk around for like 20 minutes just waiting to see any sort of upward movement from the patrons actually sitting down enjoying their own $15 burgers, churros, mickey shaped ice creams, and funnel cakes topped with crumbled brownies, whipped cream, and sprinkles (yeah, that one looked delicious). Of course one sees said patron rise and you have no choice but to make a mad dash for the table, fighting grannies, six year olds, and the japanese tourists along the way only to find that the person getting up simply had to get ketchup. Sidenote: this is why I always insist on getting more ketchup than a small village can consume in a week when you're at the condiments table. I agree that it's wasteful, but at least it doesn't get the hopes up of the poor schmo, read: me, who thinks standing up signifies done eating. If a plethora of ketchup had been acquired then I wouldn't have had to trip the grannie risking a ticket straight to Hell to get to the table first. Inevitably though, when no free table is available, one is left hovering over a random family of four that you notice has only two more bites of their burger and five and 1/2 fries left on their plate. They look up and notice that you're in their personal space and radiating a death glare so they pack it in early, grabbing their children's hands fearing the worst on their way out. You turn around and say ever so gently " Oh, you're done? Thanks!", then plop down on one of the chairs before the aunt has time to lift her tray up. You stare at those five and 1/2 fries and it takes all the strength you can muster not to say, "Are you going to finish that". You hang your head in despair as you see those little guys slide into the trash can. A sad moment.

But clearly not what I was aiming for with this post. After I made the woman in crutches hobble somewhere else I noticed that the Enchanted Burger Bungalow was sponsored by Minute Maid. What?, I thought to myself, what does that mean? I pondered this thought for another 50 minutes while I waited for my mung bean burger. Finally when my bro sat down he told me that Minute Maid must pay Disney a million billion dollars a year to have their little name etched on the cottage sign. "But wait!" I said. Almost every restaurant in the park, every ride, every stand has a "sponsored by" sign! All of a sudden my eyes opened up to the reality of all realities: Disney is the greatest business scheme of all time. With my super special finance senses awakened, and you know, the map, I started picking up on other things. Did you know that Disney allows McDonald's to sell their fries, just their fries, in little food stations through-out the park? Cha-Ching! Did you know that Disney has cameramen sponsored by Kodak at all the perfect photo spots to take a lovely picture of your entire family. No more will a Dad be left out of the shot. Nope, let the random dude take it and give you a number so that you may purchase that photo on your way out. Did you know that Disney provides it's visitors free aspirin, Tums, Pepto, and other medicines, sponsored of course by Bayer, at the First Aid Center. Yep, they even thought of that. I had a migraine around 4pm and was seriously thinking of calling it a day. I figured I should at least attempt to purchase some Exedren at some shop on Main Street. When I went asking for a place that carried my happy pills an attendant smiled and said, "Oh I'm sorry you feel so bad, just mosey on down to the First Aid Center, they'll take care of you so that you enjoy your stay with us". WTF?! So I entered the cutesy First Aid Center and some nurse, in a nurse costume ripped out of a cartoon, cause every employee is dressed up in ridiculous possibly Crayola sponsored polyester getup, just handed me some free meds. All I had to do was sign their "guestbook". I thought to myself, Wow. They don't want you to leave either. Did I mention they also have a daycare for the newbie babies. Yeah, I know, right. A place made specifically for kids, has a place to dump them when they're being annoying. I didn't check but I'm sure it's sponsored by Pampers or something.

Bottom line is that every little inch of this theme park was methodically thought out. It's a heck of an idea I'll give them that. And honestly I didn't mind because I had fun. More fun than I'd had in a long time. So as the fake snow fell in conjunction with the new Celine Dion song, available for purchase on Main Street, I said, I wanna come back again next year!

Success is theirs.

Clap Your Hands and Say...Welcome

2007-11-29T07:40:00.000-08:00

After tireless negotiations JP and I have reached an agreement and he has kindly decided to come onboard as a contributor to Geek to Sheek. Yes guys, I've given him the keys to my kingdom and he will now grace us with his wisdom, wit, and nerdity. Look out for his posts once in awhile. I can't tell you what he'll say, and I have given him no parameters so this shall be a great social experiment. And if not I'll kick him off the island. Hey, I never said this was a democracy. So Clap Your Hands and Say Yeah! (pun intended) *No Jump.

California...California...Here I Cooommmmeeee! (TWSS)

2007-11-20T07:56:00.000-08:00

Leave for Los Angeles tonight...stop.

Be back on Sunday...stop.

Miss me lots...stop.

Turkey is delicioso...stop.

But not the dark meat....stop.

I know it's supposed to be the best part...stop.

But dark meat still kinda grosses me out...stop.

Mecca

2007-11-20T07:08:00.000-08:00

One day I'll make it guys. I swear. And when I do, I'll weep like a baby taking its first breath. Yes, my friends, today IS the most awesome day to be an Oprah audience member because today she unveils her "favorite things". In the past those have included Ipods, flat panel television monitors, Burberry coats, digital camcorders, washer/dryers, cameras, trips to spas, cashmere sweaters and my favorite...specially imported cheesecake. Yum. I got an early spoiler of what this year's pilgrims get and let's just say...Holy Sweet Mother of the Almighty. Yeah, that good. I'm not going to ruin the surprise for anyone so just tune in and seethe with jealousy. Here's hoping these fine folks realize and can afford the taxes on this years ditties.

Rashida Jones, We Could Be Friends

2007-11-19T09:12:00.000-08:00

I've always wanted to hate her. Not only is she so freaking gorgeous, but she can sing beautifully, has Quincy Jones as a father, is crazy smart having attend Harvard, AND has dated and is possibly re-dating John Krasinski. Oh and she played Pam's nemesis Karen Filipelli on The Office. That alone should have been enough mind you. But alas, she's just too cool to hate. So cool in fact that she brought this video to my attention and I will now forever be indebted to her. In a recent article by New York Magazine, the writer asked a couple of famous celebrities what they watch on youtube. Rashida said this:

"'Welcome to My Home,' by Brenda Dickson. You have to go home and watch it right now. She was on The Young and the Restless in the seventies and eighties. She produced a video by herself, introducing you into her life and sort of showing you how to dress like her and eat like her and work out like her. It is so well produced, without irony. It is pitch-perfect eighties. She is literally facing a wall in between a mirror and a painting, just facing a wall in a gold gown, and she turns around, 'Well, hello! I'm Brenda Dickson. Lots of people ask me how I look as good as I do after eleven and a half years on The Young and the Restless.' It's insane! It's so entertaining."

Of course I thought to myself, how entertaining can this possibly be. Answer: VERRrry I just about died watching it because the irony of it all was that had I seen that video at the time, (I was 7) I probably would've given my left eye to be her. Check it out for yourself.

I give you: Welcome to My House by former soap star, Brenda Dickson. Oh and Rashida, call me!

Did We Disregard the Indians Again?

2007-11-15T12:43:00.000-08:00

Poor, Poor, Indians. First we introduced them to smallpox and bullet holes in the back, then we took their land, following that we made long hair the symbol of slackery (sorry B), then we decide to pay them little if any money for their work, *prompting them to succumb to diabetes from the lack of healthy alternatives in fast food, and now, well, now we've decided to pass over their holiday decorations entirely. That's right, cornucopias and construction paper turkeys made out of one's own hands are so yesterday. What's in it's place? Well follow the jump and I'll tell you.

* Diabetes is the fastest growing illness amongst Native Americans

Today my friends I made a memo to self: Put up Christmas decorations three months in advance and start listening to Sunny 99.1 because the all Christmas all the time music begins any day now. Oh and stop by my local Starbucks because the Peppermint Mocha and red snowflake styrofoam cups are out. Asterisk to memo: WTH? Honestly, can someone please inform me as to why every darn street corner already has its Christmas lights up and not mosaics of Indians and Pilgrims having a laugh over pelts and turkey? You know it just makes me feel lazy and Un-Christian to realize that Jesus' birthday celebration apparently starts after Halloween now. Not to mention the fact that it gives this false anxiety that I have to hurry up and get my gifts (which are going to be sparse this year X-Woman so don't even dare to dream of what to expect.)

Seriously though, I have to ask? Did the government mail a questionnaire asking the general public if they wouldn't mind skipping Turkey day jubilee or what?

Mind the Construction

2007-11-14T12:36:00.000-08:00

I'm playing around with my fonts, colors, layouts, and background so don't worry if every time you tune into the blog something is different. It's not you. It's me.

Ni Tu Ni Nadie (Not You Nor Anyone)

2007-11-14T07:05:00.000-08:00

On my way to work this morning my ITouch played a song I hadn't heard in ages, it's called "Ni Tu Ni Nadie" by Moeña. The tune is a remake of a song by Alaska y Dinamara but I doubt any here has heard the original so whatevs. The point is I remember watching the music vid awhile back and thinking it was a very neat concept. So of course the first thing I did when I got to the office was find it. We're not busy, so sue me. I thought I'd share it with you guys. And as an added bonus you can download the song here as well. Enjoy.

Ni Tu Ni Nadie": Moeña

Happy Belated Birthday to Kimberly!

2007-11-01T08:39:00.000-07:00

First and foremost. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY KIMBERLY! I suck at life. I really do. No excuse to miss your B-day, especially when it's on a highly anticipated holiday. Please forgive this tiresome friend. And here is the rest of it.

Happy Office Thursday!

2007-10-24T15:41:00.000-07:00

After last weeks emotional sendoff to the hour format, I'm glad to have my show back at 30 minutes. Not that I minded the hour of Office time, in fact last week's episode ranks in my top 5 Office episodes ever. But it will be nice to have a tighter story again; one that doesn't run itself into a lake. Now, after last week's voting, it looks like the two shows I'll be recapping regularly are The Office and Pushing Daisies so look for a full review and recap later this week. Here's the promo to get us pumping:

LOCAL AD
9/8c TV14
10.18.2007

THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF ADVERTISING - When the Scranton branch is asked to participate in a Dunder Mifflin ad, Michael (Golden Globe winner Steve Carell) seizes his chance to exhibit his creativity. Meanwhile, Dwight (Rainn Wilson) explores the online world of Second Life. John Krasinski, Jenna Fischer, B.J Novak, Ed Helms, Leslie David Baker, Brian Baumgartner, Kate Flannery, Mindy Kaling, Angela Kinsey, Paul Lieberstein, Oscar Nunez, Phyllis Smith, Creed Bratton and Craig Robinson also star.

Three Preview Clips for Local Ad: 1, 2, 3

On another note... to al my friends going to The Office Convention in Scranton, Pennsylvania: Have Fun! Be Safe! Shake Greg Daniel's hand! and finally, Hands off Krasinski (if he shows). Keep me posted ;)

Pumpkins at Their Finest

2007-10-24T11:56:00.000-07:00

On Monday night I was invited to a pumpkin carving party at a friend's house. While the idea of sticking my hands into nasty pumpkin sludge didn't sound too appealing, I went along anyway, using carpel tunnel as an excuse to feign immobility thus getting me out of physically carving into a pumpkin. And if anyone is wondering, yes, I do suffer from carpel tunnel, or something that to me feels like carpel tunnel. It's an old wound from the law school days inflicted by my Compaq Armada laptop circa 1995 with the little nub for a mouse. People probably don't even know what I'm talking about. That's how old the "nub" is.

Anyway, at said pumpkin carving party, everyone drew from their own inspiration. Some winged it, others stenciled, and one clever friend busted out the Black & Decker drill to make a twinkle light pumpkin inspired by the pages of Martha Stewart. We had a great time drinking wine, eating butterfingers, etc. etc, but as the night ended a thought entered my mind and hasn't left since. What is the most awesome pumpkin I've ever seen? I mean, does a Jim Halpert or Pam Beesly pumpkin even exist? Is there one dedicated to the band New Order? Perhaps not. But it's worth a search. So for the next week before we hit Halloween, er Kimberly's birthday, I want my peeps to email or comment here with the funniest pumpkins they've seen. Artistry is great, but imagination is better. Bonus to anyone who can find me an Office pumpkin. I've yet to find that masterpiece. So to get us started I've got a couple that made me laugh after the jump. And Sara, the party was lovely.

There were several puking pumpkins but this one came with its own toilet. (credit to collegehumor.com)

At first I thought it was boobs. I was mistaken.

I'll be honest it was the hair pick that got the laugh out of me

Pretty darn original, don't you think?

I can see this one right outside my parents house already

Not if you paid me a million billion dollars

Radiohead's Rainbows

2007-10-21T15:46:00.000-07:00

I finally got around to downloading the new Radiohead album "In Rainbows" for $0.00 dollars. Frankly I felt bad at first but now after my first listen I feel REALLY bad. The album is quite incredible. Actually, "incredible" is putting it mildly. It's astounding and classic Radiohead, if that term can even be applied to them. I don't know, but there is something about this particular band and its music that puts me in a sort of zen-like trance. Kind of like the feeling I get while watching that scene of all the sisters frolicking in the grass in The Virgin Suicides. Such lackadaisical melancholy. I love it. My early favorites are Reckoner and Jigsaw Falling Into Place. Click on the image for the link to buy the album at whatever price you want. Now don't be stingy, you'll regret it.

Things that I Love: Fashion Edition

2007-10-17T08:35:00.001-07:00

Here's a couple of items that I can't live without. So much so that I sew patches on them. Yes..in this instance, I definitely need some stinkin' patches.

1. sweatpants: A staple. How else am I to survive a James Coney Island hotdog, a Goode Company Taqueria brunch, and a Doritos/candycorn combination without it? Seriously.

Favorites:
Anthropologie Kelti Lounge Pants (shown) $48.00
Lucky Brand Big Sweatpant $54.00

2. Joe's Jeans: Best fit jeans hands-down. And I can say this with conviction because I've bought every other name brand out there, just check my closet. Honest. There is just something about the denim itself that is so awesome. Try it out, you won't regret it. Ask my mother. She has two pairs...and was willing to pay full price for them. Now that's something.

Favorite Styles:
Muse (shown) $158.00
Socialite $171.00

3. Nude Patent Pumps: They go with everything. It's the new black. I promise. And if you are averse to patent, which I'm sure some are because they feel they can only be worn at night in winter..which no, but whatevs, then go for a simple nude leather. I bought my NPP's about a year ago and if you'll notice they are all the rage now in Hollywood, especially the Christian Louboutins. Now I'm not suggesting that I start trends. I mean, that would be ludicrous to presume...*cough*email-me-for-a-consultation*cough*.

Favorites
Kate Spade Giselle Pump (shown) $275.00
Christian Louboutin Very Prive 942 Pump $770.00

4. C&C Tank Tops: I have at least 25 of them in assorted colors and prints. Yeah I know you can get colored tank tops at Target and Old Navy for like 20 cents, and hell I have purchased about 10 white ones alone from Old Navy, but I LOVE C&C tanks. Their colors are fantastic and they are the quintessential layering piece. (exhibit A on the left). Did I mention the softness? Oh the softness, I'd wrap babies in them. For sure. They recently expanded their line to include cotton dresses. I have one in Navy which I bought last summer. I'm going to be buried in it.

Favorite Styles
Classic Tunic Tank $46.00
Classic Bold Tank $48.00

5. Cotton Dresses: They are the easiest to pack and the easiest to spice up. Just slap a nice black cotton dress with the aforementioned nude pumps and a long delicate chain necklace or a chunky one, or a locket, or...you get the picture.. and you're off. Of course you can nix the necklace and go for some larger earrings, preferably in a bold color, like red. Or, and I might have to try this soon, skip the earrings and necklace and focus on a woven belt with perhaps an exaggerated bracelet...hmmm that would depend on the cut of the dress, so ipskay eltbay. The good thing about cotton dresses as well is that if you're anti-social like me and would rather see a documentary on America's fascination with credit cards and debt on a Friday night than meet people, then slap on some flip flops and you've got a spectacular outfit to pick up your sandwich at the local Jason's Deli. Win-Win!

Favorites
Velvet Calm, Cool, and Collected Dress (shown) $178.00
Banana Republic Jersey Tunic Dress $98.00
Splendid Raglan Dress $140.00

I hope you loved this installment of Fashion Edition. This will by no means be my last post on the subject but I believe I shall end it here for today. I'm sure right about now you're getting your credit cards ready to run to the mall and collect these items, yes? I thought so.

Hello ITouch

2007-10-15T11:26:00.000-07:00

Yes I know it's actually called Ipod Touch but I like to call things whatever I want. It's like the chauffeur we had when my mother, grandmother, and I travelled to Istanbul a couple of years back. His name was something I didn't like. So I did what any other egotistical American would do. I changed his name. Hence forth he was known as "Carlitos". He wore that name like a badge of honor until the day we left. It was awesome. And when we left he mourned us like the Sicilian woman mourn their sons. Too much? Yeah I thought so. So I couldn't pronounce his name. Who can really? I mean Turkish is like Arabic. Un-understandable.

Anyway, enough with the frivolity. The point is I bought the ITouch and life can't be any sweeter. I love this little device with the brute force of a man and little baby. And thanks to my dawesome friend, Jas, I am currently watching an episode of Arrested Development as I type this puppy. To quote Rihanna:

" You can stand under my umberella..ella, ella, ella, eh eh eh"

You mean that much to me.

*Avoid the jump

G.O.B. on 30 Rock. C'MON!

2007-10-11T06:48:00.000-07:00

Will Arnett makes his second guest appearance on 30 Rock tonight. Don't miss it. Last time he was on I literally spit out my drink. He was that funny. Here's a video of his sheer genius on last year's episode. He plays the NBC Vice President of West Coast News with a tiny secret:

So whad'ya say. Petition to get him series regular status? I think so.

Ignore the jump.