Beautimous Maximus

On the heels of TLC's announcement of more "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo," in our future  I felt compelled to write a little something about what has become my FAVORITE show of the now defunct summer. I do mightily confess I originally judged this gem because of its gross representation of Americana. At the time I believe I deemed it the best deterrent for  immigration into this country. And well, jeah, it is. At least to the white-ish ones trying to make it over. However, after closer inspection, and by closer inspection I mean watching every episode at least twice, it has become apparent that while on the surface the show highlights the dangers of extreme heat and public education, deep deep down at its core, aka, the inner recesses of June's vagiggle jaggle, Honey Boo Boo is nothing more than a sweet slice of what families these days ought to be. It is the true essence of "You is smart, you is kind, and you is important,"without the "you is smart" part.

For those of you who haven't tuned into the show yet because either a.) you're protesting  the exploitive nature of reality TV (c'mon who doesn't want to see the lives of conjoined twins making it in this world? ) or b.) quite simply have a loved one to come home to at night let me break the show down in a quick paragraph or two:

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Extreme Couponing or as I like to call it Organized Hoarding

So my boss came into the office one day and could not stop waxing poetic about the TLC show, "Extreme Couponing". sidenote: quotations right? He said the amount these people save was unbelievable and worth a watch. So I did. And, well, yeesh. While these people are performing miracles at the check-out counter what exactly do they gain by stockpiling their houses with 150 years worth of men's deodorant or cat food for ghost cats, i.e cats they don't have. These people clearly do not want change. The absence of change and Charmin Ultra toilet paper with aloe vera because that particular gem never goes on sale. Admittedly there is a quantitative upside. While their asses might scream for moisture and some sympathy, at least for the next 750 years in perpetuity the Smith family's kin will enjoy the tingling sensation of abusively expired Ragu Homestyle Tomato Sauce.

Look, I can understand the thrill of the bargain. I am not adverse to buying on sale and I am the daughter of one, Carlos J. Kuri. I am also not a stranger to the idea of coupons. My mother is an avid coupon clipper with much success therefore I do concede couponing holds a monetary and somewhat gratifying purpose. However. And you know when I say however that we're climbing to the danger zone, right? Here's the reality. There is a difference between purchasing both needed and wanted items at peak bargaining moments and what these people do. This is not a revelation. What the Coupon Diva etc. do, in my honest and most humblest opinion, and yes, the correct opinion, is hoarding. Replace the make-shift garage grocery stores with discarded baby doll parts found at flea markets and I see no difference. Well, ok, one difference. The discarded baby doll aficionado probably eats out every night at the local Chucky Cheese to lure children into their lair but whatever. My point is Extreme Couponers are hoarders from the other side of the color prism and therefore not the type of people we should wish to succeed. If not for them than for the children. Anyone else worried about the children?!? Where are Child Protective Services going to be when little Mary-Sue screams out in agony over the toilet because of the originally priced 99 cent "manager's special Hilshire Farm deli meat bought for 27 cents with coupons? Who's going to tell her that the pain that's most aptly described as a nest of wasps in her hoo haa is because mommy worships at the alter of the Super Saver circular? Using hard earned cash to develop doomsday bunkers filled with razor blades and dried cranberries is not a way to live. And for those that believe there is nothing wrong with that, well, then, at least don't invite me to dinner.

It ain't right. I'm telling you kids, this is not a show to admire. This is a show that needs a PSA at the end of every episode, some sort of reminder to viewers that the views held by these people are not the views endorsed by the FDA, the CDC, the CAA, the CNN, the Declaration of Independence or anything else. That being said, yeah, it's totally entertaining.

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Doubting There is Anything Better than Downton

Oh Downton. Why? Why do I love you so much it hurts to think about the months in between when I don't see you? Why does my heart go pitter patter with anxiety, hope, despair and longing every time you light up my television from an unidentified source. I feel as though we are forever connected by the sheer strength of my suffocating obsessive grip on you, you grandiose and altogether perfect combination of skilled storytelling/acting/costumes/cinematography etc. I know, I know. Using the phrase, "perfect combination" sounds, in way, a bit of an insult to what you really are, no? I must confess I would skip my wedding for you. I would tell my groom I have an errand to run and sneak into a bathroom stall with my ancient 06 laptop, the accompanying coolant fan, and some wi-fi to locate a download of you just to re-watch some key scenes. If, dear readers, you haven't experienced Downton yet, well, all I can say is, "when did you know your heart had no capacity for love?" Did you know, deprived soul,  that Downton is in the Guiness Book of World Records as the most critically acclaimed show of ALL-TIME. Yo, BBC's Pride & Prejudice, I'm really happy for you, and I'm gonna let you finish, but Downton is the best show of all-time. ALL-TIME...

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HP Deathly Hallows Trailer. Tinkle Tinkle Little Stars

The boy who lived...come to die. I just..can't..process. Just the music alone. Explicit chills. I admit I shed a tiny tear at the scene where Ron and Hermione are running backwards with their wands on the offensive in what looks like the shambles formerly known as Hogsworth. God I remember reading those intense pages near the end and just begging with my mind that JK spare Ron and Hermione from death and yet having no faith at all that she would. I miss that feeling from a book, don't you? The last time any reading whatsoever has affected me that much was when I looked at my first Water and Power bill for the months of Feb.-Apr. And yet even then the goosebumps weren't as severe. To stave off the agony of waiting until November I'm going to make it my mission to visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando. They've got butterbeer, a wand that chooses YOU, AND, AND, AND three new rides. One of which Steph Meyer can't get on. Point to Rowling. Man I want to nerd out when I'm there. I'm talking costumes, Gryffindor shit, and any ginger I know so I can feel as if Ron is with me. In the meantime I'm posting the trailer below to revel in its glory. Enjoy!

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There's an "App" For That..

I wouldn't be surprised if there was. No really. Which is why I may be moving to Switzerland..where Google can't get to you.

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Music Music Everywhere

Even though Jen is in London she still has time to pass on great tunes. She knew about my new found obsession with Bon Iver and so... Well, I wouldn't call it "new". I've known about him for years but my taste in music is cyclical and when Bon showed up on my radar I had just passed the cut-off mark for my soft folk infused period. I can't remember why I didn't automatically go ape-shit for it, I think at the time I had just moved on to synth rock, aka E.S.T. and Shiny Toy Guns. But whatever. I'm back in the mood for singer songwriter acoustic guitar/sytar type music and Jen delivered. If there's a twist to the band it's even better. Like Grizzly Bear and their Pet Sounds-esque lullaby. Anyway, it's taken a billion words to just get to the point which is Bon Iver (pronounced Bone E-Ver) is amazing and he's joined forces with Volcano Choir. Well technically Volcano Fire is a compilation of many great artists that sometimes get together to release great fucking songs. This round it's Bon Iver + Collections of Colonies of Bees. If your confused think Postal Service which is three friends, one of which is Ben Gibbard from Death Cab for Cutie, or Stars which is two kids who are also part of Broken Social Scene...and talking in circles again. So Volcano Fire's album, UnMap, which will be released Sept. 22nd, includes a song I haven't been able to stop listening too. The song is called "Island, IS". I will put a link below for your downloading pleasure. It's so good. On repeat good. I think I already said that but it was worth repeating. I'm definitely buying that album. More Music after the jump

Speaking of Bon, that guy has been a busy little bee as of late. Apparently he's also contributing a song to the New Moon soundtrack. What's New Moon? I know you know and please spare me the humiliation of having to explain. I was stunned he lent a song. Even more stunned that he didn't just license an old recycled song but actually wrote a new tune for the film. Literally he sat down, thought about the themes of the book that he probably had to read or go to a Twilight website to peruse, and wrote words to music. Really? Wow. Can you imagine Bon Iver at a desk with a hazy image of Robert Pattinson sparkling in the sunlight behind his eye lids humming to himself "sadness...danger...desolation...magic". If I wasn't so pathetically in love with this series I'd die laughing at the thought. Ok, no. I'm laughing but it's still a great coup that Bon wanted in on the project. But I wasn't done stunning though. Seconds later I learned someone else also contributed a song to the soundtrack. A new song as well. Thom Yorke. Yeah. Thom Yorke. Contributing a song to a film adaptation of a book with gems such as..."When I told you that I didn’t want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy Unbelievable right? I still can't wrap my head around that. Well, Thom I sort of can. He licensed "15 Step" to play at the end credits of Twilight so he was familiar with the project. Curiously though he lent the song for use in the film but not for the soundtrack. Probably thought no one would see it. He probably also thought Coldplay, his cheap substitute, would be a one album wonder too. Side note question: Isn't he notorious for not lending music out for films? I thought I heard that somewhere. Anywho, other bands supposedly in the running for the album include Band of Skulls (which I've heard and they're good), Death Cab, The Used, and...wait for it...wait for it...Kings Of Leon. I.just.don't.get.it..."Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night...And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliance, there was beauty" Seriously? Kings of Leon? Really? Whatever. I'd be happy.

Anyway enough about Twilight. Let's move onto Where the Wild Things are shall we. I just read an article that discusses Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeah's involvement with the film. She's the driving force behind the soundtrack. Sidenote: If you haven't heard and or own The Yeah Yeah Yeah's latest, "It's Blitz" you're missing out. It's incredible. Different from their normal fare but still amazing. (I sound like Katie Holmes talking about her maybe gaybe husband don't I). The article reports the score was a collaboration between Karen O and Carter Burwell.( yes, Carter Burwell of Twilight fame. He wrote the infamous "Bella's lullaby". Alexandre Desplait (Curious Case of Benjamin Button) is writing the New Moon score...My hatred of myself for knowing this shit is more than the brunt of your laughter so shove it.) Karen and her musical team on the album which includes members of The Bird and The Bee, The Dead Weather, and many more call themselves, "Karen O's kids"... Catchy no?...leave an outstanding imprint on the soundtrack. Can't wait! I've added a vid where you can hear part of the score and some of the songs for your ear below.

Well that's it for now kids. I'm not proofing this so deal with both grammatical and other errors. Peace.

Download: Volcano Fire: Island, IS (LOVE IT)

featurette
by ThePlaylist

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Too Great Not to Share

23 Movie Plots That Could Have Been Solved in Minutes:

From cracked.com:

Ever get frustrated that the villain rigs a complicated trap instead of just shooting James Bond in the head? Or that Batman doesn't just kill the damned Joker when he has him right in front of him? The truth is a whole lot of movies would be a whole lot shorter if their characters would just once say, "'Hey boss, I know this is gonna' sound crazy, but what if just this once, we tried not doing things the most complicated way possible?"

We asked you to show us via Photoshop how you would have resolved these plots more efficiently than the characters did.

Click on this link to see the full results. I'm placing one or two after the jump.

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