Thursday, September 27, 2007

"Juno" You Want to See It

Here's a joint interview with Jason Bateman and Michael Cera promoting their new film Juno. Arrested Development lives! No, not really...they have no scenes together. But it's still a great and hyterically funny couple of minutes with the guys. I miss the Bluths. God how I miss them. Simply Click on the image to see the inteview.

The trailer for Juno starring Jason Bateman, Jennifer Garner, Michael Cera, et all after the jump!

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Wednesday, September 26, 2007

They're Here. And They're Queer (No Offense)

Ladies and Gentlemen, it's official, the new widescreen Ipods are in stores. Had they had, say, the capacity of all the other Ipods before it, then I would be in line right about now geeking out with my fellow Apple lovers. But guess what, I'm not. And there is only one reason why I've been deprived of that glorious moment. And his name is Steve Jobs. Yes, Steve, you. You screwed us royally man. 16GB? Really? Do you even know how much space one itunes downloadable movie uses? Or how about how much capacity it takes to carry an entire season of The Office. Oh Wait, you fixed that problem already didn't you. You smug bastard.

If it wasn't for the fact that my MacBook Pro is my boyfriend I'd really think about quitting you altogether. But I can't. You are a necessity until the Zume, or ZaZu, or whatever the hell the competition is called gets good. Which is never, sigh. And I would just stick to my 20GB 5th generation click wheel but it's dying a slow painful death. It's on suicide watch right now. I really don't want to talk about it. Damn you m4p encripted music! So it's inevitable. A new purchase is on the horizon. There is just no way around it. So you tell me, should I go ahead and buy the 16GB widescreen Ipod and upgrade in about 8 months or so, (because I fully expect a larger capacity unit by June)? Comment Below.

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Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Whatcha watching?

Last night a friend asked me to make her a schedule of my personal fall television schedule. Then this afternoon my sister asked me to do the same. And awhile ago my roommate did too. I guess I should post it for all, no? So folks, here is is: review it, learn it, watch it, enjoy it:

Here's a Legend for ya:

Red=will watch live
Orange=will watch later
Yellow=on the old school tivo in the other bedroom, will watch at somepoint before the next episode

Can't believe I'm tivoing that? Can't believe I'm not tivoing [insert show here]? Comment and let me know!

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Friday, September 21, 2007

Reviewed and/or Abused

Welcome to the first installment of "Reviewed and/or Abused" where I give my opinions on last night's television. Now today's edition is a treat because I will in essence recap the episode and review it. In the future, however, for the most part, they'll simply be reviews, because a.) I don't have time to recap all the shows I watch, b.) I fear losing my 3 person audience. But yay for todays edition!...

--the new flashy production from Josh Schwartz, creator of such gems as The O.C., and the new fall series Chuck. Honestly if it weren't for the fact that Kristen Bell is the voice-over for the show it would't be on the tivo list...Wait, did I just hear something? Was there a collective "Aha!" or was that just me. Nope definately an "aha". You just realized that you finally recognized that voice put couldn't place it. Am I right? Yep. I tend to blow people's minds with my knowledge. It's a gift really. Just to set your brain on fire I'll give you a little more. Patrick Dempsey does the Mazda commercials, John Krasinski did the AppleTV commercials, and Julia Roberts once upon a time did AOL.

Now for those of you who don't know Gossip Girl is based on a fictionalized series of books by God knows who about rich, snotty kids from Manhattan. Or as I like to call them, the friends I wish I had. As the story unfolds we learn that the true main character, Gossip Girl, is omniscient ( om*nis*cient |ämˈni sh ənt|:adjective knowing everything : the story is told by an omniscient narrator.). Why thank you MacBook dictionary/thesaurus widget, I couldn't have said it better myself. We never see her, but we know she exists, is the go-to girl for any scandalous information regarding the upper east side prep school elite, prossibly carries around a t-mobile sidekick (product placement alert!), and has an uncanny ability to snark like Veronica Mars. Oh, Veronica...sniff... I don't know how to quit you!. Let's remember the snark for old time's sake shall we...Veronica: You want to know how I lost my virginity? So do I. Tear!

As Veronica, er, Gossip girl, narrates the story we meet some part-time model looking chicks who as it turns out, are the main eye candy for the show. There's Serena, the former bad-girl who just returned from boarding school. EX-ET-ER, We Are, EX-ET-ER, We Are! Actually we have no idea what boarding school she just came from but I thought I'd give a shout-out to my friend. Anyway, she's back and apparently this is some huge news because she never told anyone why she left in the first place. There's Blaire, her former BFF. Daughter of a fashion designer and like the numero uno at school ever since Serena dissapeared. And yes, she looks familiar. She played Carrie Bishop in season 1, episode #14 of Veronica Mars titled Mars v. Mars. She was the girl who took the fall for her friend who was sleeping with the cute history teacher. Remember that one? Veronica only realized she was telling the truth when she noticed the black satin sheets on the professor's bed. Yeah, that was creepy.

Um, where was I? Oh yeah, whatever, like I've said, Blaire is rich, anorexic, with an overbearing/clothing designer mother, and a boyfriend Nate, who looks like Ian Somerhalder from Lost, but not as female-looking. They've been dating since pre-k but haven't sealed the deal yet. Why? Hmm, could it be because Nate is secretly is in love with Serena? Or is it because Blaire took a cue from Vanessa Hudgens and would rather just send pictures. Oh, SNAP! Time will tell.

Re: Nate, he seems nice enough. He's waited an eternity to bed his girlfriend and has aspirations to go to USC, but if his father has his way, he's going to Dartmouth. Bummer. Also appearing on my tube is Chuck, Nate's best friend and resident skeeve. I can't tell if he's part Asian or not. And sadly this is what distracts me anytime he's on screen. Chuck's parents own a fancy hotel, where Serena just happens to be living as her mother renovates their apartment. What are the odds! And finally rounding out the upper crust are Serena's brother, Eric, who apparently tried to commit suicide by slitting his wrists, (it's to early to make an Owen Wilson joke, right? Yeah, I'd better not), Serena's mother, Lilian Van Der Woodsenwaldenheiferveisenmarkenson, a woman who married three times and made her fortune on divorce settlements, and the token Black and Asian hanger-oners friends of Blaire who do nothing but wear outfits that would most assuredly land on a "what where you thinking" list. You know, if the girls were real.

On what I can only assume is the "other side of the tracks", the lower West Village, which in reality is more akin to "the other part of Manhattan where I'd have to sell my eggs, part of my liver, my knee cap cartilege, and some hair follicles daily to pay partial rent which inevitably wouldn't be enough so I'd have to make my living on the streets with the code name, Desiree, to make it work" we meet Dan and his sister Jenny, spawn of Rufus, a has been singer in an early 90's band. Now, I'm not one to meddle with show casting but really? The guy who plays the dad, is like 24. Was he in the 7th edition of Menudo, as the 5 year old member? Is this the early 90's band we are referring too? Because if not then wow. In any event, Rufus now owns a small art gallery where one can only assume he sells art that depicts his feelings on such riviting subjects as his idol, Chayanne, the playboy of Menudo, and world peace. Coincidently he used to have a "thing" with Lilian Van Der Woodsenwaldenheiferveisenmarkenson. Uh I smelling some half-siblings plot twists a-brewin? Apparently she ended it by ironically nailing the lead singer of Nine Inch Nails. Interesting. What I would have given for a cheesy backflash to that scene. That's the real Gossip Girl story there. I digress.

So Jenny and Dan, Serena's sure to be half-siblings, are social outcasts. Why? Because they live in....ewwwww...the West Village. Just ridiculous. Plain ridiculous. Dan has had a serious crush on his sister that he doesn't know he has yet, Serena, for like ever. When he found out that she was back, all he could do was stare at the Gossip Girl blog to find out more information (Just like you check out this blog for all things bad-ass, right?). Cute. Or Barf. Pick your poison. His real blood sister, so far, Jenny on the other hand, has become Blaire's lachey in an effort to finally gain membership into the cool gang. This episode's scheme is to stuff envelopes for a party that weekend. Hello, evite anyone? Save the trees people or Al Gore's gonna come and hold a mind numbing lecture in your town! There goes 6 hours of your life.

As the story progresses, Blaire, weary that Serena is back, decides she's finally going to unlock her chastiy belt. Nate decides he's going to dump the bitch and go after Serena, Chuck continues his Asian deflection, Serena begs Blaire to be friends with her again while downing martinis at the main bar in the hotel on an empty stomach, Jenny makes her own dress for the party (who is she, Andy Walsh from Pretty in Pink?), and Dan goes to the hotel to see if he can catch a glimpse of his crush. And...break.

When we come back, a drunk and abandoned Serena (Blaire went to do it) is getting hit on by Chuck, but is too hungry to care. He, aware of this offers her grilled cheese in truffle oil in exchange for her company in an empty kitchen. Serena, weighs her options, pictures Chuck playing pokemon, considers him harmless because of said image, and agrees. Meanwhile, Blaire, with her frilliest virginal attire awaits her knight in shining armor, with massage oils, birth control pills, and some champagne. Nate arrives and as some new band Josh Schwart's wants everyone to dig plays in the background, a montage of forced sex, no sex, and real sex occurs. Forced sex= Chuck/Serena (almost really because she manages to escape). No Sex=Nate/Blaire because Nate in what I like to call bad timing, confesses to Blaire that he and Serena had sex last year (cue panting and sweating on the open bar at Chucks hotel). Whoopsies. As Serena leaves the hotel she bumps into Dan and drops her t-mobile sidekick! Dan, ever so gallant picks it up as she leaves and stares with puppy dog eyes.

So yeah, what we can gather at minute 32 is that Serena and Blaire were besties, she got drunk one night with Nate, had sex, then got the hell out of dodge without telling anyone. So when we come back, Blaire, originally pissed, gives Nate another shot. Nate sadly asked for another shot cause his Dad made him, something about doing business with her mother. Chuck continues to look Asian. Dan, ever the gentleman returns the phone to Serena and scores a date out of it. And poor Jenny is still working on that dress.

When the party actually arrives Jenny gets hit on by Chuck and ever the freshman thinks nothing of him asking her to go out on the roof to talk. Does she ever watch tv? I mean seriously. Idiot. Dan's date with Serena, which entails going to see his Dad's band play, LAMO, gets interrupted by Jenny sending an SOS from the roof. When she had the time to do this I don't know, but I've suspended belief for television before so no judgment here. As they reach the party, everyone including Blaire is all like, "OMG what is she doing here!" C'mon, really? Is that all they've got. Is this a Josh Schwartz show or not. Hangs head in dissapointment. Nate, seeing Serena, gets all sad and ditches Blaire at the part to take a walk. Hell, why not just call a damn cab and call it a night. You obviously don't want to be there. She obviously knows you don't want to be there. And while I'm at it, neither of you want to do the other anymore so why extend the farce. High school relationships are only as valuable as the sex you acquire from them, non? These are the questions I want answers to.

So as the episode comes to a close, Dan saves the day with an unconvincing punch. Serena is impressed with the sibling love, and Nate is off somewhere getting mugged.
And scene.

Overall here, I wasn't impressed. Like I said to my friend the other day, there was no chispa. There was no "Welcome to the OC, bitch". No reason to root for these characters, hence no real reason to continue watching. However, having said this, I can't abandon ship yet. It takes awhile for a show to fall into it's groove and I'm giving Josh Schwartz the benefit of the doubt. I know he's good for it. Don't disappoint now, Josh, ya hear.

What were your thought on the episode? Leave a comment below.

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Thursday, September 20, 2007

Hold On For One More Day

So on my way home from work today my Ipod gave me a little treat. It doesn't often do this mind you. In fact, for the most part when I say "shuffle" it says "let me play the same fucking 50 songs, eventhough you have about 1500, in random order". Before I know it I'm sitting in traffic wondering when is the world going to change. Up next comes Damien Rice singing about The blower's daughter and how shitty she's treating him, followed by Shakira circa 1999 in Spanish. Inevitably when I do arrive home either one of two songs closes the night, The Strokes Reptilia, or Jamie Cullum's cover of Radiohead's High and Dry. It truly never fails.

So color me shocked this afternoon when I was cruising down the freeway and I heard sheer genious...

Oh today was different alright. Yes, today, my Ipod said to me..."I know this pain"... Wait, wha? You do?... "Why do you lock yourself up in these chains?" I don't know. I mean life is hard, making a living is difficult..."No one can change your life except for you"...That's actually true, it really is, even my therapist says so..."Don't ever let anyone step all over you"...I won't I promise, or at least I'll make sure that said person is way hotter than I am..."Just open your heart and your mind"...But how Wilson Phillips, how? "Is it really fair to feel this way inside"...No it's not fair! It's definitely less than 100% fair, potentially 3/4th fairness 1/4th unfairness.

"Someday somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye"...uh that's already happened and it sucked and gave me liver problems.
"Until then baby are you gonna let them hold you down and make your cry"...Tears? Please, tears are for hallmark cards and Bat Mitzvahs
"Don't you know"...know what?
"Don't you know"...what!!???
"Things will change, things will go you way"...Wait a minute, are you jerking my chain, Chynna?
"If you hold on for one more day"...Just one?
"If you hold on for one more day"...Is it two now, er...did I do the math wrong?
"Things will go your way"...Really, I'll like lose like 34 pounds!?
"Hold on for one more day"....

By the time I got out of my car if I knew anything I knew this: Wilson Phillips knows my pain, or at least Carnie Wilson does. Damn you three. Why did you have to quit on us.

You should have held on.

Held On.

Wilson Phllips "Hold On"

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Things That I Love: Brangelina

It's an obsession. Yes, I'm not afraid to admit it. I mean she's like ridiculously hot...the kind of hot that doesn't even make sense. You know? And it's true. Next time she graces the cover of a magazine, which shouldn't be too hard, take the time to really take a gander at her features. Really take a look. From the feline eyes, to the perfectly streamlined nose to that freakish mouth. They're over-the-top, especially that bulbous mass of flesh located about a couple of inches above her chin. That ginormous pout is so over-the-top that I've always wondered how as a child she managed to keep flies and the like out of there. It must have taken herculean effort or some wires or something to keep it closed . I'm just waiting for the day she makes her second appearance on The Actors Studio and finally confesses that the true cause of her early adulthood self-destruction was the digestion of too many fruitflies as a toddler. That and the fact that her mother allowed male/female sleepovers at the age of 12. And, no, it wasn't of the Dawson and Joey variety, where they laughed at all the funny places hair was growing while watching a Spielberg flick. In any event I digress. The point is for all practical purposes with those extremely distinctive features she could have looked like this. But thankfully she doesn't.

And then there is one Mr. William Bradley Pitt. The good looking El Pollo Loco employee turned actor who set hearts a flutter with a bare chested performance in a crappy movie titled Thelma and Louise. I personally think it's the hair that sealed the deal to his hotness, though. It had to be the hair, really. Because frankly while he's extremely attractive, there is no way I sat through hundreds of viewings of that painfully depressing film, Legends of the Fall, on facial features alone. I mean that Indian chick he ended up marrying was ugly and I can't stand watching two people make out when the two parties involved in the lip lockage aren't on equal hotness footing. It's just not right. So it had to be the hair that added that je ne se qua and allowed me to get through it. Well to be fair, there was that one great scene where he's on top of the mountain with said mane flowing in the wind all pensive. You know the one I'm talking about right?..That scene. Wait...or was it that other scene where he's on top of the mountain with his mane flowing in the wind all stoic. Can't remember. Anyway, regardless of where he measures on my range of hotness, i.e. 1.) being Fajardo Aceves Jesus Manuel, aka the Wolfman, a delightful trapeze artist from Mexico, and 10.) being Taylor Kitsch, who's hotness I can't even put into words, other than to say that even if he turned out to be a pedophile I'd still want to date him, Brad is arguably the hottest man alive to most women.

So when the forces of nature brought these two together to form Brangelina, it was just like too much. The world imploaded and we began anew with this superforce that saves Iranians, obesity in America, and greenness, one adopted child at a time. And Shiloh, their biological child, or as some call her, "The Chosen One", she's going to be able to conceive immaculately. Just you wait. They are like that powerful.

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Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Things that I love: Television Edition

Now, first let me say that I copied the title of this post from one of my favorite people that I haven't had the opportunity to meet, Mindy Kaling. (one of the writers for the show, "The Office" (more about that later)) Whoa...second post and I'm already doing a parenthesis within a parenthesis. Is this even allowed within the rigid structure of American grammer? Paige, comments? Anyway, I thought I'd take the time to give a little insight into some of my favorite things. Since I'm an evolver, and a word maker-upper, these "things" are subject to change, but I doubt it, at least for the next couple of months. So up first....

Television: more specifically premiere week, when all my returning favorites try to out-do each other with flashy, addictive, and belief suspending episodes. On my "God, next week can't get here fast enough...Is it next week yet...I can't take it anymore...Please put me out of my misery... In no particular order... Except for the first one" list is:

The Office where we left off: "It's a date!" Cue me..."sob..Finally!...sob...I knew this day would come!...sob... Oww the tears!...sob...These tears taste of glory!...sob. Oh sweet baby Jesus, victory is so hurts to look at it in the face...oh sweet tasting victory...sob...thank you, thank you! sob...sob." Cue Jennifer..."What is wrong with you?"

Grey's Anatomy where we left off: Mcsuicideville. Check out the last 9 or so minutes...I dare you.

Heroes where we left off: Sylar is hot. Oh and Nathan flew his brother Peter into the sky to blow-up, consequently saving the world and allowing Claire to prance around in a cheerleading outfit for another glorious season...or for her co-star Milo....dun dun dun!

Ugly Betty where we left off: I tivoed through most of it because I believe I was eating or something (shocker). But I do vaguely remember a death and a car wreck and myself thinking, nothing says comedy gold like a bunch of ugly chicks crying. So to refresh your memory and mine.

Friday Night Lights where we left off: The Panthers went to State and I'm sorry to say I do not know the outcome because I accidentally erased it before I saw the ending. Sorry Jennifer. Please don't kill me. What I can say is that the show films in Austin, yipee!, and Taylor Kitsch, aka, Tim Riggins, should reproduce and fast. Also, and not to harp on it's awesomeness, but the show is fucking unbelievable. I'm surprised my guy friends...the one or so that I have, don't watch it. Hello it's Texas...with girls being slutty.

How I Met Your Mother where we left off: No one watches this show but me so just humor me by watching this clip with Robin Sparkes. It'll blow your mind.

Flight of the Conchords: the season ended already but it's a must-see. Set your tivo's for the reruns. Here is the duo during one of their concerts. (not their show). The song is called "Business Time" and I almost fell out of my chair laughing. See Ashley, I did watch it ;)


Veronica Mars: where we left off: cancellation. Big V and crew weren't strong enough against such competition as Who Wants to Be the Next Pussycat Doll so alas it said goodbye in May. And I'll spare you my rant on how unbelievably idiotic the American public at large is... So I won't go into detail about how their pea-sized intellect can't process anything that takes a modicrum of post second grade rationalization... And I definitely won't discuss how every year it is unfathonable to me that an overproduced show that rewards subpar singers with a recording contract is the most watched program for three years running....or that Joey Fatone and Howie Mandel have paying jobs. No, I'm not going into it. In any event, here's to you Veronica, you made us laugh, cry, and crap in our pants time and time again. May your new stint on Heroes be as fraktastic as your previous gig.

Arrested Development: Your awesomeness will live inside of us.

On a final hasn't escaped me that I watch too much tv...or that I use a lot of ellipses.

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So Hello...

This is my first post on my very own blog. Yes friends, I've entered the blogosphere and yet I have absolutely no idea what I'm supposed to do with this thing. I figured with my daily or perhaps weekly...ok let's be real, monthly communication with the world one might get a peak into this little 'ol head of mine. Wonder why you have to repeat what you said to me thricely? Wonder why I always tend to have a blank stare when looking at you? Wonder why I just don't care? Well, now you don't have to, because in these little paragraphs you'll understand what really goes on in my mind while the world continues to spin on its axis.

Now I can't really define what I'm going to write about or why I'm even writing because I assume most of my friends have jobs, love lives, and an aversion to televison, but hell, who cares. This is my blog and I will write to my heart's content about anything I damn well please. And yes I do NOT have an aversion to profanity.

So keep coming back often because I've got got a lot of random things I'd like to say.


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