Sunday, September 30, 2012

Beautimous Maximus

On the heels of TLC's announcement of more "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo," in our future  I felt compelled to write a little something about what has become my FAVORITE show of the now defunct summer. I do mightily confess I originally judged this gem because of its gross representation of Americana. At the time I believe I deemed it the best deterrent for  immigration into this country. And well, jeah, it is. At least to the white-ish ones trying to make it over. However, after closer inspection, and by closer inspection I mean watching every episode at least twice, it has become apparent that while on the surface the show highlights the dangers of extreme heat and public education, deep deep down at its core, aka, the inner recesses of June's vagiggle jaggle, Honey Boo Boo is nothing more than a sweet slice of what families these days ought to be. It is the true essence of "You is smart, you is kind, and you is important,"without the "you is smart" part.

For those of you who haven't tuned into the show yet because either a.) you're protesting  the exploitive nature of reality TV (c'mon who doesn't want to see the lives of conjoined twins making it in this world? ) or b.) quite simply have a loved one to come home to at night let me break the show down in a quick paragraph or two:

More After the Jump!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Extreme Couponing or as I like to call it Organized Hoarding

So my boss came into the office one day and could not stop waxing poetic about the TLC show, "Extreme Couponing". sidenote: quotations right? He said the amount these people save was unbelievable and worth a watch. So I did. And, well, yeesh. While these people are performing miracles at the check-out counter what exactly do they gain by stockpiling their houses with 150 years worth of men's deodorant or cat food for ghost cats, i.e cats they don't have. These people clearly do not want change. The absence of change and Charmin Ultra toilet paper with aloe vera because that particular gem never goes on sale. Admittedly there is a quantitative upside. While their asses might scream for moisture and some sympathy, at least for the next 750 years in perpetuity the Smith family's kin will enjoy the tingling sensation of abusively expired Ragu Homestyle Tomato Sauce.

Look, I can understand the thrill of the bargain. I am not adverse to buying on sale and I am the daughter of one, Carlos J. Kuri. I am also not a stranger to the idea of coupons. My mother is an avid coupon clipper with much success therefore I do concede couponing holds a monetary and somewhat gratifying purpose. However. And you know when I say however that we're climbing to the danger zone, right? Here's the reality. There is a difference between purchasing both needed and wanted items at peak bargaining moments and what these people do. This is not a revelation. What the Coupon Diva etc. do, in my honest and most humblest opinion, and yes, the correct opinion, is hoarding. Replace the make-shift garage grocery stores with discarded baby doll parts found at flea markets and I see no difference. Well, ok, one difference. The discarded baby doll aficionado probably eats out every night at the local Chucky Cheese to lure children into their lair but whatever. My point is Extreme Couponers are hoarders from the other side of the color prism and therefore not the type of people we should wish to succeed. If not for them than for the children. Anyone else worried about the children?!? Where are Child Protective Services going to be when little Mary-Sue screams out in agony over the toilet because of the originally priced 99 cent "manager's special Hilshire Farm deli meat bought for 27 cents with coupons? Who's going to tell her that the pain that's most aptly described as a nest of wasps in her hoo haa is because mommy worships at the alter of the Super Saver circular? Using hard earned cash to develop doomsday bunkers filled with razor blades and dried cranberries is not a way to live. And for those that believe there is nothing wrong with that, well, then, at least don't invite me to dinner.

It ain't right. I'm telling you kids, this is not a show to admire. This is a show that needs a PSA at the end of every episode, some sort of reminder to viewers that the views held by these people are not the views endorsed by the FDA, the CDC, the CAA, the CNN, the Declaration of Independence or anything else. That being said, yeah, it's totally entertaining.

More After the Jump!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Doubting There is Anything Better than Downton

Oh Downton. Why? Why do I love you so much it hurts to think about the months in between when I don't see you? Why does my heart go pitter patter with anxiety, hope, despair and longing every time you light up my television from an unidentified source. I feel as though we are forever connected by the sheer strength of my suffocating obsessive grip on you, you grandiose and altogether perfect combination of skilled storytelling/acting/costumes/cinematography etc. I know, I know. Using the phrase, "perfect combination" sounds, in way, a bit of an insult to what you really are, no? I must confess I would skip my wedding for you. I would tell my groom I have an errand to run and sneak into a bathroom stall with my ancient 06 laptop, the accompanying coolant fan, and some wi-fi to locate a download of you just to re-watch some key scenes. If, dear readers, you haven't experienced Downton yet, well, all I can say is, "when did you know your heart had no capacity for love?" Did you know, deprived soul,  that Downton is in the Guiness Book of World Records as the most critically acclaimed show of ALL-TIME. Yo, BBC's Pride & Prejudice, I'm really happy for you, and I'm gonna let you finish, but Downton is the best show of all-time. ALL-TIME...

More After the Jump!