Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Resolutions

My New Years Resolutions:

1. Download full albums. Last night Jen gave me two CD's to burn into my iTunes, Fleet Foxes and She & Him. If this were 2008 I would have probably just listened to the album picked one or two winners and left it at that. But this is 2009 my friends and I'm turning over a new leaf. This year it'll be all or nothing. I'm off to a great start, downloaded full albums of The Black Ghosts, Bloc Party, and The National. I'm more awesome already.

2. Stop being a bitch. A couple of weeks ago a co-worker described me as "acerbic" before taking it back then, a few seconds later, feeling the need to be a bit more accurate and descriptive, called me "caustic". Yes, caustic: capable of burning or corroding living tissue. That doesn't sound very pleasant now does it. I thought he was just on his period until a couple of days when another friend called me a "real fucking bitch". Granted said individual was at the time taking shots of After Shock while simultaneously drinking Red Bulls and Vodka. Not to mention three hours later found himself at a strip club getting kicked out for reasons he will not divulge. Needless to say he said it. Multiple times. And with much more ferocity as the night wore on. He also called me a lesbian, but I'm guessing that's just because the word "bitch" wasn't piercing my hard as steel exterior. That or he remembered my haircut from sophomore year. However today in the early hours of 2009 I think I can safely say that yes, I am a really bitchy hoesbeast. Bitchy bitchy, bitchy. Hoesbeast, hoesbeast, hoesbeat. Nice ring to it, no? But, as I admit this let me go on record as stating that some may find the attitude charming, i.e. myself. As they say one person's shit is another person's treasure. However I see it. I see how most would not want to be in my company the way that I act. And by most I mean everybody. So yeah, in the upcoming year I'm gonna try my hardest to earn a downgrade from caustic to merely off-putting. If I succeed we all win kids.

3. Remember I have a closet. This one is pretty self-explanatory. While I did ask for a maid for Christmas when I was nine, true story, at 29 asking for one for Christmas'm just going to say it cause you know it's true... smart...yes guys, smart.. but alas unnecessary. As is making Christmas lists. With the economy as it is and people reverting to Hamburger Helper to get them through this tough time, a maid could be superfluous if I remember that I have a closet.

There are other resolutions but eh. I won't actually work on them so why memorialize the rest of the list on my blog. Those that I have discussed here are the only ones that could potentially not make me suck in 2009.


Oh, and Happy New Year.


rita said...

I like the bitch--I hope you leave that.

Louie said...

Snarky has a nice ring to it....